


Please

by Hogweasley



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anne is oblivious, Awkward Flirting, Brotherhood, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Gil suffers in almost every chapter, Gilbert is in love since day one, Horny Teenagers, I don't know how to write less I'm really sorry, Mutual Pining, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Slow Burn, Sorry for the long chapters, Unrequited Love, Very very SLOW burn I am sorry, gilbert's pov, his bestfriend's sister, pls someone hug him, poor gil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25068538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hogweasley/pseuds/Hogweasley
Summary: It all started when 14-year-old Gilbert Blythe met 12-year-old Anne Shirley-Cuthbert: she immediately stole his heart, starting this way the journey that led the boy to venerate her as an unattainable goddess, burning with desire, passion and ammiration.Year by year, an insight of how Gilbert Blythe had fallen in love with Anne Shirley-Cuthbert more and more: helplessly, desperately, miserably.Or: a particularly shy and stuttering Gilbert Blythe awkwardly chasing after Anne for years, failing many, many times... before succeding? Maybe?
Relationships: Diana Barry/Jerry Baynard, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Mary Lacroix/Sebastian ''Bash'' Lacroix
Comments: 68
Kudos: 139





	1. The encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! This is my first work and I'll admit I am slightly nervous. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert fucks up in a record time.

Gilbert Blythe was back in town.

After an entire summer spent kilometres away from the peaceful countryside and the semi-deserted streets of Avonlea, hidden among the slopes of the Alberta mountains with his father, there he was again: the entrance of the school stood out imposingly against him, projecting his cumbersome shadow all over his slim body, which proved to be useful to the boy to find some relief from the summer heat which that September morning had decided to drag with itself.

He looked at his watch, dropping a tuft of indomitable dark curls before his eyes, and snorted slightly when realized that his friend, Jerry Baynard-Cuthbert, was late on their first day of school.

He was not really bothered by the fact that he would have entered the classroom a few minutes late, but rather by the impatience to see his best friend again: one of the very few reasons that had alleviated, albeit slightly, the pain of having had to return to reality and of being forced to leave behind what, most likely, had been the last holidays he could have spent with his father before this was bedridden.

«Here I am! Here I am!» Gilbert immediately recognized the voice behind him, even if Jerry was completely out of breath.

«First day and you're late already» he joked, giving him a light tap with the elbow.

«This year is our first high school's year, Gil! Nobody cares if we're late -rather-: _girls like bad boys»_ he said confidently. «But maybe it's too much risk for you, eh, nerd?» he joked before bursting into laughter.

Gilbert followed closely: «You are an idiot, Baynard! I doubt that Marilla will let you be late just because so you can impress the girls».

«Well she'll have to get used to it since she and Matthew have decided to adopt Anne».

Anne Shirley-Cuthbert: Jerry had done nothing but to talk about her during their calls, when on Thursdays' evenings they called each other to catch up on the latest events. At first his friend did not seem enthusiastic about having a new sister and the first days of living together, he had told him, had been hell for the whole family.

However, although he probably would never admit such a thing, Gilbert knew that Jerry started to love the girl as a true sister exactly the second he saw her, and he noticed that glimpse that crossed his face by pronouncing her name, for a thousandth of a second: he was proud and loving, he just had some troubles showing it.

«And how would this be your sister's fault?»

« _She's_ _crazy_ , Gil!» he repeated like a broken record. «This morning she was so excited to come to school that at five o'clock she was already up and slipped into the garden to get a wreath of flowers which she wanted to wear today: when Marilla saw her she told her to take the flowerbed off her head but there it took twenty minutes to convince her». The dark-haired man smiled, trying to image the unusual scene.

«Well, at least there's someone in the family who is excited about going to school» he teased.

«She's only thrilled because she has never gone to school yet» Jerry muttered.

«What do you mean?»

«She doesn't want to talk about it usually - _at least not with me_ -, but I heard Matthew and Marilla having a discussion a few weeks ago: I think the orphanage she attended did not provide any kind of education to the children. In fact she had to take an entrance test a few weeks ago, to check where she stood, you know... to see if she had to catch up on some school years».

Gilbert nodded: «And does she?»

Jerry shook his head, puffing: «You won't believe it, but they even placed her a year ahead of her age: that means only a year behind us». Gilbert was surprised by the information: Jerry had only discredited her with him at the phone, while now his sister seemed to be astounding.

«Hey? Earth to Gilbert??» he called him back, trying to wake him up from his daydreaming.

«Uh, yes... uhm...»

«Don't worry nerd, you will always remain the smartest for me. Besides, _Anne is terrible_ ».

This time, however, Gilbert doubted his words.

All morning long, Gilbert had been thinking about Jerry's sister, trying to give her a face.

At lunchtime he asked his friend if they would join Anne to keep her company during her first day of school, the real reason for that suggestion was a strange impatience that was born at the mouth of his stomach.

In response, Jerry shrugged and said that no, they would not reach her: «She will get by».

«Are you sure? You know, I think having someone to have lunch with in a school you don't know, in a new city and without any friend could be... comforting?»

Jerry seemed to evaluate his friend's words with an excessive seriousness: «Well, maybe we... Oh, what am I saying?! No! Anne will have made friends by now. What is more, she still attends middle school, if you remember».

«Of course, last year of middle school: _what's that got to do with it_?»

 _«It has to do with it_ because we now belong to high school! We can't show up with those kids anymore».

«Jerry what you're saying makes absolutely no sense! We are still-»

The dark-haired boy was abruptly interrupted: «Listen Gil, don't worry about Anne, okay? You don't know her, she... she has a strong character: she'll get along better than us on this first day of school, trust me».

Gilbert nodded, disappointed that he would have had to wait longer to meet her.

«And don't look at me like that: she'll get by, I said».

«I'm not looking at you in any way».

«Well, you better» he said, taking a seat at the table. «She will be fine» he added whispering, trying to convince himself, but Gilbert heard it loud and clear.

The corridor was still crowded when the bell rang indicating the start of the last lesson of the day.

Gilbert decided to take it easy: he had sent a message to his father for more than twenty minutes now, to check if he was well, yet he still had not received a poor reply. He tried to call him: nothing.

The agitation took very little to take possession over him, despite the fact that his father had repeatedly advised him not to think too much about him or to worry unnecessarily.

 _Five more minutes,_ thought Gilbert, _and I'll ask Bash to go check on him_.

Sebastian Lacroix, "Bash" for friends, was a young black man who had moved to Avonlea a few months ago, without a family or money or even a purpose. Many in his place would have made bad choices, but not him: perhaps because he had met Gilbert and John Blythe, perhaps because it simply was not in his nature to get into trouble.

What was sure was that Sebastian had somehow become an integral part of the family and despite he kept insisting for months on wanting to sleep in a motel outside the city so as not to disturb, he ended up occupying a spare bedroom at the Blythe's, spending this way all his free time (when he wasn't working as a part-time waiter or was busy looking for a more stable job around the city) looking after John.

«How dare you, dog?»

Gilbert was brought back to reality by Billy Andrews' voice, more threatening than usual, coming from the opposite end of the corridor.

«How dare _you_!»

«Be careful how you speak, dog», he growled through clenched teeth.

Gilbert could not see Billy's interlocutor in the face, but from the voice he recognized that she was a girl. _A really cool girl_.

«You must never venture to turn to me again with such arrogance and vehemence. Not with me, nor with any other human being. Learn to behave civilly before coming to give me a lecture just because you feel compelled to show me that you have marked the territory: as you see, the only one who is behaving like a dog, here, is you!»

Gilbert smiled: Billy Andrews deserved it, whatever he did.

The blond snorted, clearly too shocked and wounded in pride to answer or just think of something to reply: so he decided to leave, purple with rage.

It was only then that Gilbert could see the author of such a wonderful show, and he was amazed.

The girl soon approached, probably noticing that he was staring at her curiously, his mouth slightly open.

He then cleared his throat, trying to compose himself. Unconsciously, he held his breath while analyzing the girl in front of him and his heart skipped a beat: _she was so incredibly beautiful_.

«Do you happen to know where can I find Professor Brown's history classroom?» she asked, showing the sheet with her timetable and indicating classroom 56B with a tapered finger. «So? Do you know where it is or not? I don't want to sound rude, believe me, but I think I'm already late and I wouldn't want to make a bad first impression to my classmates and teacher».

Finally Gilbert managed to look away from those huge, magnetic blue eyes.

«Uh, yes, of course. Let me see, then...» he knew perfectly well where the classroom was, but he decided to pretend to have to think about it, to have to better read the name written on the sheet: actually, he just wanted to have an excuse to get closer to the girl. «You have to turn right and walk down the whole corridor; then turn left and the third door on the right is the classroom you are looking for».

«Thank you so much!» she said, setting off immediately.

«Anne, right?» Gilbert asked the first thing that came into his mind, his tone a little higher, with the hope that she would hear him loud and clear. The fact is, he didn't want the girl to leave so soon.

She stopped in her tracks and turned back to the boy, her brows furrowed.

«Anne Shirley-Cuthbert» he repeated, happy to have managed to have actually caught her attention. Not that Gilbert was not used to or practical in attracting female attention, something he had inherited from his father.

«How do you know it?»

He mockingly approached, a childish half smile surfaced on his face.

«Small stature, a myriad of freckles scattered everywhere, big blue eyes, fiery temper...» he began to list slowly, one step closer with each word, until he was close enough to take one of her two braids between his fingers, amusingly noticing that even after what Jerry had told him, the girl had somehow managed to adorn her hair with some small, cute, colored flowers: «...carrot-colored hair: you must be Anne» he whispered under a playful smirk, then tugging lightly the braid.

For a few seconds he waited for an answer of any kind: a confirmation, a laugh, a smile.

When it became clear that an answer would not come, Gilbert took a step back, surprised that this time his charm had not worked and ready to study the girl's face to look for the slightest indication or clue of where he had gone wrong.

When their eyes met, Gilbert felt like getting punched in the stomach, and even before he could register the girl's teary eyes or heavy breath, his right cheek was violently hit by a book: " _hard cover_ " was the only thing he managed to think the moment of the collision.

«How dare you!» The redhead roared, her face livid with anger. «I am totally aware of my horrible appearance. You are not the first one to have made fun of me for this, but that doesn't give you the right to be so brazenly cruel. I hope the book has hurt you at least half of what you hurt me with your words!» she thundered, all at once, before running away and leaving behind a confused Gilbert Blythe, his eyes glued to the redhead's shoulders while his left hand touched the sore spot on his face.

«Anne, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean... I didn't want to...» he miserably tried to justify himself, aware that his legs had remained stuck to the ground and so that his words would not have been heard by anyone but himself.

 _I totally fucked this up,_ he muttered, ashamed of himself.


	2. Year One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please, forgive me.

After what seemed like an eternity, Gilbert crossed the entrance of his house: he quickly closed the door behind him, hoping that this was enough to confine outside the walls of the house the sense of remorse that was haunting him; all he wanted was just to finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief.

«Are you already here, son?»

For a moment the boy did not move and continued to push the weight of his body against the door, his eyes shut, uncertain that with the mere force of his legs he could stand upright.

«Didn't you have to spend the afternoon at Jerry's?» he asked again, approaching.

Gilbert sighed deeply, realizing that he was not in the mood to talk to his father about how his day had gone: he just wanted to shut himself in his bedroom and be alone for a while.

«Uh, yes... well I couldn't go because they assigned us homework and... so we preferred to put it off» he invented.

The truth was that he had also lied to his friend, telling him that he felt unwell and therefore preferred to go home and get into bed: he just felt too embarrassed to see Anne that same afternoon.

«On the first day of school already?» the father asked in surprise. «These professors don't even give you time to get used to the fact that the holidays are over...»

«Yeah...» he mumbled, before elusively trying to head for the stairs with his head down, when a hand gripped his forearm firmly.

«Not so fast, kid». _Bash_ : Gilbert hadn't even noticed him. «What did you do to your face?»

 _Caught_.

«Hey, hey, hey brother! I just asked a question, there is no need to be so embarrassed: you got red like a tomato» he teased. _He never missed a chance to tease..._

Before answering he tried to elaborate something sensible in his head, without succeeding: «It's nothing».

«Did you fight someone?» His father's voice seemed worried.

«No! I mean, I have obviously been hit but... no! I mean...» a groan of frustration escaped from his mouth: how could he not find the words?! «It's nothing: I deserved it» he said simply, in the end.

John and Bash exchanged a look that Gilbert could not decipher.

«I'm going to get some ice» Sebastian informed, before disappearing into the kitchen.

«If someone has hurt you and asked you not to tell anyone, you can still tell me without fear any consequence: I am there to protect you, remember it».

«No, I know that, dad! But believe me, it's... it's nothing. I absolutely deserved it. I just... I don't feel like talking about it, that's all».

«Here», Bash exclaimed, handing the boy a bag of frozen broccoli.

«Thank you».

«How come all this mystery? Hasn't a girl reduced you so?» teased the young man.

Gilbert rolled his eyes, unable to hold himself from blushing.

Bash laughed: «I can't believe it! Did you really get a girl to tan you like this?»

«Well, so what? Girls are strong too» he justified himself.

«Oh, I see this from your face, Blythe» he shook his head, trying to stifle the amused smile that was annoying his friend: «What did you do to make this girl so angry? I hope nothing too stupid».

John was silent, watching the regretful and thoughtful expression of his son from the opposite side of the living room.

«If you don't mind, I wouldn't want to talk about it».

«Okay, you will tell us when you want». Gilbert nodded, sensing from those words that sooner or later he should have given some more explanation about the matter.

«Well, as much as I would like to stay here for hours to question Gilbert about what idiocy he did this morning, I have to go» Bash said, making the boy breathe a sigh of relief.

«Sebastian, I left you a crate of apples in the kitchen: take them, you could give them to Malcom to thank him for the work he has offered you this week and maybe they will even convince him to keep you a few more days».

«Great move _Blythe-senior!_ Thank you» he exclaimed with a big smile. «Let's face it: who can say "no" to your apples?»

And, at that moment, Gilbert had an idea.

The next morning, the boy was waiting for Jerry in front of the school's entrance.

His left leg did not stop from moving nervously up and down, _again and again_... for the millionth time he reached into his pocket, where he was keeping the best apple that the Blythe orchard could offer.

When Matthew Cuthbert's car stopped a few meters away from where Gilbert stood, his hands began to sweat.

«Calm down, Gilbert. It's not like you have to do who knows what» he whispered to himself.

He noticed that Jerry rushed out of the car, followed by an equally irritated Anne, who did not waste a second more to get away from her brother, under the impatient gaze of the dark-haired man, who hoped she would have come closer so that he could apologize.

«Everything good?»

«No», Jerry replied dryly, snorting. «I'm in punishment and it's all Anne's fault».

«Why?»

«Nonsense... Yesterday I went into her bedroom to see what she kept inside it since she never wants anyone to go in there, and I accidentally spilled some water on one of her books while I was looking at it», he explained, rolling his eyes.

Gilbert was about to reply when Jerry started again: «I mean, _it's water_! I haven't really ruined it! But next time... oh, next time I'll make that book disappear, you'll see!»

«I don't think the problem was as much the book as the fact that you invaded her privacy, bro" he chuckled, being once again the voice of reason.

«You sound just like Marilla», he taunted him. «And don't take her defenses too».

A glance was enough for Jerry to guess that Gilbert was of another idea.

«I'm serious! If we truly are best friends, you must promise me that you will be on _my_ side and that you _will not_ have to deal with my sister _except_ to help me annoying her» he informed him seriously.

Gilbert swallowed his own saliva with difficulty, finding himself inexplicably uncomfortable.

«Don't be too hard on her» was all he managed to say.

«I know that somewhere, hidden in her bedroom there's her secret diary: I will find it», he said, ignoring his friend's words. « _We will find it»_.

He sighed, already exhausted: «Let's go to class, Baynard».

After having shared the first two hours of classes, Jerry had a French class, while Gilbert would have left him to attend one of physics: that was the moment for Gilbert to give Anne the apple and to try to apologize, far enough from the disapproving look that his friend would have gave him if he only had known.

Hiding from time to time so as not to be seen by the teachers who walked down the hallways, he managed to reach the west wing of the school, where the classes of the last year of middle school were all concentrated and he sighed with relief aknowledging that lessons hadn't started yet.

«Have you seen a girl with red hair? She has two braids, about this height... more or less?» He asked a boy, placing his hand slightly below his nose.

«No, I don't think so» he replied.

Just as he was about to ask another boy, he saw her coming out from the girls' bathroom: again, he noticed she was _very_ pretty.

«Uh... Anne?»

The redhead turned, surprised: her face fell the exact moment she recognized him.

«Hello, Anne!» he tried smiling, but she said nothing. «I am Gilbert, Gilbert Blythe. Y-you see I... I'm here to apologize».

Anne quickly turned her back on him, ignoring his stuttering and starting to walk again: Gilbert had no choice but to follow her.

«About yesterday, I... I didn't mean to disrespect you or to make fun of you, _on the contrary, actually_...»

«I don't care about your apologies».

«I don't expect you to forgive me, I would just like to explain you that I didn't say those things for-»

«I don't want to know why you said those things! Leave me alone», she growled, finally stopping to walk and turning to the boy.

Once again, he lost himself in her eyes, not realizing in the least how strange it might seem to Anne, who turned around in awe, interrupting the spell.

Gilbert cleared his throat, trying to untie the knot that formed: «I will leave you alone! I promise, but...»

«But what?»

«B-but... Uhm, I brought you an apple: here», he said, finally pulling it out from his pocket. «It comes from my orchard and I chose it especially for you».

Anne looked at him suspiciously.

«They are very sweet and from the pigimentation on the peel you can observe that-»

«I don't want it», she countered, dryly. This was something Gilbert hadn't foreseen.

«Please, Anne» he begged.

«I hope you realized your previous actions».

«I absolutely didn't want to hurt you, you have to believe me!»

«I don't have to do anything, _Gilbert»_. The dark-haired boy thought that being hit by a book had done much less harm than her cold shoulder.

«I know, it's just... that I'm very sorry about how things went. You seem... _cool_. We could become good friends. _I would like to become friends with you»_.

«Never». _Ugh: the book was definetely better._

«Please! Just think about it, will you?»

«No».

«I-I... please! At least take the apple? And maybe you'll tell me if you liked it? And... if you'll forgive me?»

«I'll never forgive you, Gilbert Blythe» she said categorically, before disappearing into a classroom.

The dark-haired boy kept standing like an idiot in the corridor, alone, his shoulders curved and his sad gaze glued to the apple he still held in his hand: it had been a defeat, but that didn't have to stop him from trying again.

The days passed and then the weeks and Gilbert did not waste a second: stoic, he soon learned the redhead's timetable by heart and whenever Jerry was not around, the boy sneaked towards the west wing of the school with a perfectly shiny apple in hand and some reason why she should forgive him in his mind, although unfortunately his attempts had proved to be unsuccessful every single time.

«Remind me how did you and Anne meet?» Jerry asked, sitting on the floor with his eyes glued to the TV screen in front of him and his tongue sticking out from his mouth for concentration.

«I told you: she could not find her history classroom» he repeated, omitting any type of detail: for example the fact that Anne smelled of pine trees and fresh lilacs dipped in honey that morning or that sunbeams filtered from the windows and met on her eyes creating breathtaking games of light or, again, the fear he had felt in looking too intensely at her fragile porcelain skin.

«And repeat to me: how come she hates you?»

Gilbert sighed, placing the Playstation joystick on the floor: he had just lost to Jerry anyways. «I don't remember, to be honest», he lied.

Jerry nodded: he seemed to have bought it.

A few minutes of silence passed before he started talking again.

«I found it in the end, you know?»

«Found what?»

«Anne's secret diary!» He replied, obvious: «I discovered it last week».

Gilbert said nothing, just nodded. There occurred again a few moments of silence.

«Would you like to read it? She certainly wrote something this week too, and I'm dying to know what it is».

The dark-haired boy felt himself blaze: «We can't do it, Jerry! It's not fair to do such a thing», he said disappointed. «Also... what if she'd find out?»

Jerry smiled slyly: «She won't be able to find out: every Friday afternoon, at this time, she has an appointment with the psychologist and it is mandatory for at least half a year when you are entrusted to a foster family... I went there too when they adopted me» he explained.

Gilbert felt a sense of shame grow in his chest when he realized that he was really evaluating his friend's proposal: «No way, Jerry! It's her privacy! It is wrong under every point of view».

Jerry didn't even listen to him and got on his feet, throwing the joystick on his bed and leaving his room just to stop in front of the half-opened door of his sister's room.

«You see? She hasn't even left the door closed properly: it's a clear invitation to enter», he said, reaching for the door to open it completely.

Gilbert stopped his action: «You shouldn't do it, Jerry».

«Indeed _I_ shouldn't: _we_ should».

He sighed: his already little willpower had been severely tested. «I'm serious: Anne would never forgive us and would have every right not to».

«Did you know, Gil, that she also wrote about you in her diary?»

Time stopped for a moment and for that same time frame, Gilbert forgot how to breathe.

He recovered, in part, only when the burning of the blood that had begun to circulate on his cheeks seemed to set him on fire and when in a second his head was crossed by a thousand questions and conjectures about what Anne could have written about him.

«What did she say about me?» he whispered, still in trance, his mouth suddenly dry.

«If you want to know, you'll have to read it yourself, bro. Are you in?»

Gilbert hesitated again: «You said she is now at the psychologist but… how long will she be back? Do we have time to...?»

«Of course» he assured.

«Ugh ... Okay, then», he said: «Let's hurry, though».

_«Dear Cordelia, majestic and noble friend of my heart»_ Jerry read, laughing at his sister's words: the two friends were so enraptured by the stories and the descriptive ability of the girl that they had now lost track of time, immersed in reading and poured over the bed of the same redhead.

_«My heart warms with an indescribable joy every time I hear the word "home" and I melt remembering that now I also have one: Green Gables and all Avonlea have proved not only up to my expectations, but they even outperformed them»._

Gilbert smiled, trying to picture her as she felt that riot of wonderful emotions.

_«However, it seems to be an unrequited love: the most tragic and romantic form of love, dearest Cordelia. Except for the Cuthberts, people here seem to sense my strangeness: in their eyes I am a foreigner and for this reason, I must assume, I have not yet been able to make friends. I think that with a little effort from me and my companions, one day, they could tolerate me»._

The smile was now gone from Gilbert's face, even starting to get irritated by the derisive tone that his friend used to read Anne's secret thoughts.

 _«On the other hand, I made friends with a nice tree not far from home: it lets me climb its branches until I can hide in its thick foliage, a safe nest that allows me to enjoy the view of the city and its colorful countryside»_.

«My god, she wrote four more pages about what you can see from that stupid tree», Jerry laughed.

«She's wonderful», he confessed in amazement. «V-very good at writing, I-I mean» he corrected himself quickly.

«A little too long-winded, maybe...» Jerry agreed.

«Now read what she wrote about me before she gets back».

«Fine, okay... not that she wrote who knows what» he warned.

«Just read it anyways».

Jerry cleared his throat, stopping leafing through the diary: «Here you are: do you want to have the honor?»

Gilbert said nothing, he simply took the little book in his hand: « _Dear Cordelia...»_ he began, quickly running his eyes over the clear handwriting, until he found his name written on it, being passed through by an electric discharge. « _...even today I ran into that despicable being called Gilbert Blythe, whose only sight reminds me that every word that came out of his mouth during our first meeting is nothing but pure truth: I am covered in horrible freckles, my eyes are disproportionately large for my useless, small dry and lumpy body and to make matters worse, my stupid red hair seems to have no intention of darkening and becoming at least a little more auburn..._ »

Gilbert had never felt worse in his entire life.

It wasn't even remotely what he meant! His eyes read and reread those few lines, convinced that he read badly: how could Anne not see that everything she despised of her appearance was simply beautiful and worthy of praise?

«If you're done, I'd like to read the last few pages», said Jerry, before the door swung open, making the two boys jump to their feet.

Anne stared at the boys with an empty expression, who looked at her guilty, their mouths parted as if they wanted to justify themselves but no sound came out.

They were petrified and ashamed.

Anne slowly approached, slipping from Gilbert's hands -who had miserably tried to hide behind his back- her secret diary. «Out» she intimated, her tone low and monotonous.

It was at that moment that, like two rivers in flood, Jerry and Gilbert began to justify themselves with any excuse, word or motivation, speaking one over the other incomprehensibly and mumbling most of the time.

«Out!» Anne repeated, pushing them both out of her room, then abruptly closing the door in front of their faces.

The two friends looked at each other, heartbroken: «We made a mess, didn't we?» Gilbert asked.

«Not even a small one» Jerry confirmed.

Back home, Gilbert was quieter than usual, his eyes melancholy.

He ignored the inviting smell of curry and paprika, an unmistakable sign that Bash had put himself in the kitchen: «I'm not hungry, sorry» he justified himself before disappearing into his bedroom.

John and Sebastian let him go without saying anything, simply exchanging a knowing look: they both knew it was only a matter of days, and Gilbert would have asked his family for help, whatever the matter was.

  
As expected, just over a week later, Gilbert collapsed.

He was finishing the table while Bash was tasting the pumpkin soup for the last time, calling for John Blythe to reach them in the kitchen: «Dinner's ready!»

The boy slumped into his chair, rethinking how incredibly worse the situation with Anne had got since she had caught him and his brother being so stupid.

«Can I ask you a question?» he asked out of blank.

Bash tried to stifle a laugh, glad that he was giving him his back, as he had not done a good job.

«Of course, son».

«Have you ever happened to... uh... to want to be forgiven by someone who doesn't seem to want to do it at all?»

«Are we talking about the same girl who brought that beautiful bruise to your face?» Sebastian couldn't stop himself.

Gilbert blushed: «Yeah...»

«To answer that, you should first explain us how things went» suggested the father.

Gilbert took a deep breath, before starting to tell everything down to the smallest detail, feeling himself crossed by various pangs of shame from time to time.

«I won't deny that you really made it big, brother», Bash said.

«But nothing you can't resolve», added his father.

«What I don't understand is why you had to tease her the first time you saw her».

«But I didn't tease her!» the boy countered. «I just wanted her to talk to me, to... to impress her...»

«Okay, I think I understood: you wanted to flirt with her but you suck at it, right? You are too young for this, Blythe».

«I didn't want to flirt with her! She looks like a badass, a cool one... b-but I just wanted to be her friend» he explained, embarrassed from head to toe.

«You should just explain her what your intentions truly were».

«I've been trying for weeks, but she doesn't want to listen to me» he groaned desperately.

«Then invite her over».

Gilbert blazed even more: «Dad this doesn't make sense! She would never come, not even under torture».

«I really wanted to meet this Anne», Bash complained.

«We will meet her, Sebastian: son, you ask her... I'm sure you will somehow convince her».

Gilbert sighed: well, it doesn't hurt to try, does it?

Like every other morning, Gilbert was waiting to be joined by Jerry. And to see Anne, albeit from afar...

It had become a habit now to feel a sensation of strange numbness growing at the mouth of his stomach as the minutes passed, reaching the peak when he saw Anne sneak towards the entrance in a hurry, always hoping that she would turn to him even for a single second to give him a smile.

Until then, it hadn't happened yet.

That day Gilbert repeatedly looked for Anne around the school so that he could invite her to his house, but it seemed that she had decided to avoid him unless, all of a sudden, she had become invisible.

During lunch break, he waited for her near the entrance to the canteen, and for a moment he thought he saw her red hair at the end of the corridor: yet, he was unable to intercept her even then.

 _She's avoiding me_ , he thought, the sense of guilt that was growing inside him.

When the last bell of the day rang, he quickly gathered his things and went out of class like lightning, under the confused gaze of Jerry, who saw him flee when he still had to start putting his stuff away.

Gilbert decided to hide behind the thick trunk of the only tree that stood in the school lobby, to be sure that Anne wouldn't avoid him if she couldn't see him at all.

She came out from the back door just a few minutes later and as soon as she was a couple of meters ahead, Gilbert came out of the closet: «Anne!»

Nothing.

«Uh... Anne?» He tried, reaching her with a short run.

She stopped, sill giving him her back.

«Hi, Anne», he tried again, only to get the same silence treatment. «Please...» he pleaded.

She finally turned, puffing slightly and with her arms crossed over her chest, giving him a sharp look.

Gilbert felt, once again, a horrible person and he had to look down feeling his cheeks turn red with shame.

«Uh, so... I was wondering if you'd like to come to my house tomorrow afternoon?» he finally asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously. «I-I mean with Jerry! There will also be other friends of mine and I thought... I thought it would be nice to have you with us, Anne».

«No, thank you» said the redhead resolutely, before turning her back to the boy again, who however didn't give up.

«If you're busy tomorrow we can do the day after tomorrow! Or any other day! You can decide really... I am always available, we can do-»

«I said no», she replied, her brow furrowed.

«We'll have fun!» once again, he had to run to keep up with the girl. «I will prepare something good to eat and we will do anything you want, I promise you!»

Nothing.

Gilbert sighed: he would have convinced her to accept the invitation, had it been the last thing he would have done.

«I'm sorry for everything I've done, believe me. I have been-»

«An idiot?» she suggested, without stopping or slowing down.

«Exactly», he admitted, sadly.

«Well, my answer is still a no».

«I-I just want to fix this. Become... _friends_?»

The two of them seemed to study each other for a few seconds, Gilbert's eyes moving restlessly, hoping to see any sign of yielding on the girl's face.

She was about to say something when they were interrupted.

«Gilbert! What a pleasure to see you with Anne! Where's Jerry?»

«Hello Miss Cuthbert! Jerry is coming, you know how he is... _always late»_ he joked.

The woman nodded: «Do you need a ride home?»

«Uh, no thanks. My father wants me to stop at the nearby supermarket first».

«About that, how's your dad?» At those words, the redhead's gaze shot over the boy.

«Let's say he's doing well». This, at least, was what his father replied to him whenever he met his son's worried gaze after witnessing some nasty coughing fit.

«Please, keep in mind that you can count on us for anything, Gilbert! You are part of the family, you know this, don't you?»

He smiled gratefully.

At that moment, Jerry also arrived, apologizing for the delay.

«We'd better going, or Matthew will start to worry», said Marilla.

Desperate, Gilbert tried his last card: «Before you go, I would like to ask for something».

«Of course, Gilbert», the woman urged him to continue.

«Tomorrow... uhm, tomorrow afternoon I would like to invite some friends to come over, and I was wondering if Jerry wanted to come...»

«Of course I'm coming, Gil».

«... And Anne too, in case she changes her mind».

«What?» Jerry asked, without worrying to sound rude.

«Not even dead» the redhead growled.

«Anne!» Marilla shot her, shocked, while Jerry was now smiling.

«Humbugs! Anne will gladly come, Gilbert».

«But-» the two brothers began in unison, both quickly silenced by their mother.

«What time, tomorrow?» Marilla asked.

«Let's say half past three, but any time is fine, actually».

«But why must she come too? They are _my_ friends!» Jerry contested.

«You will go either or neither. And now get in the car! You are acting like kindergarten children».

At those words, the Cuthbert headed for the car, letting a particularly satisfied Gilbert Blythe finally cheer.

3:44pm: still, no trace of the Cuthbert sibilings.

Gilbert had decided to put on his best shirt, the one he wore on Sundays to go to church with his father the times he felt strong enough and secretly sprayed a few drops of Bash's cologne on his neck.

Paul, Jamie and Kyle had already arrived and sat around the TV that Gilbert had turned on to divert attention from him and his obvious agitation.

«You'll see: they will come soon», John assured.

The son could only nod, ignoring a voice inside him that shouted that it was not so sure.

Ten more minutes passed when the bell rang and Gilbert rushed to the door.

When he opened, he finally smiled: «Hello!»

«Sorry for the delay» Jerry apologized, followed by a sullen and silent Anne. «She pretended to be sick because she didn't want to come but Marilla caught her at the end...»

Gilbert had a pang in the heart thinking how much she wanted to avoid him: was his company so terrible?

«Yeah, well... we... uh, the others are watching some hockey game report, I don't know if you are interested» offered the dark-haired man, incredibly more nervous than before.

«Are you joking? Of course I'm interested» said his friend.

Anne said nothing: she simply went to the farthest corner of the sofa and sat down.

Gilbert looked for his father, who motioned for him to join him in the kitchen.

«Don't make that sad face, son!»

The boy sighed: «She hates me! She didn't want to come, that's why they were late... she didn't even look at me... or say hi».

John looked at the girl, sulking in the other room.

«Now go back there and try to do something that she might like too, ask her if she wants some snack you cooked and if it doesn't work, give me a sign».

«A sign?»

«Yes: double-tap your left ear with your index finger and I'll invent something».

«Okay: _something she likes to do, snack, ear»_ he repeated mumbling, heading back towards the living room.

Gilbert sat down on the sofa again, allowing himself to secretly look sideways at Anne for a few minutes.

He had just noticed how long and curved her lashes were, when Bash whistled into the house, as joyful as ever.

«Hi everyone!» he greeted quickly, before seeing out of the corner of his eye a crown of red hair framing a sulky face: «You must be the famous Anne! Gilbert does nothing but to talk about you» he teased.

The boy turned purple, feeling everyone's eyes on him.

«It's n-not true, obviously... Bash says it every time... to everyone...» he mumbled.

«What about you, Blythe? Every time you invite your friends home you get all dressed up? This, if I remember correctly, is your best shirt» he chuckled, seeing the panic spread on the boy's face. «And you also stole my cologne, I see? It must be serious, then!»

«I-I-I...» the boy stammered. «Shouldn't you be somewhere else, _Sebastian_?» he asked angrily.

«Where?»

 _«Anywhere else»_ he suggested through gritted teeth.

Bash smiled: he had teased the boy enough for today.

Jerry was looking at him with a questioning expression, so he decided to do something: «We're about to have a snack, alright?»

His friends nodded, happy to put something under their teeth, but soon returned to focusing their attention on the hockey game.

«Are... _uhm_... are you hungry, Anne?» He tried.

«No».

Gilbert swallowed loudly: he could not soften her. Not even a little.

«I... I made an apple pie. I hope you like it». She stayed silent, and Gilbert just wanted to sink into a black hole and never return.

He decided to ask his father for help: he tapped his ear twice with his index finger, and after a few seconds, John Blythe appeared behind him.

«Welcome, everybody: I'm John Blythe, Gilbert's dad» he introduced himself.

The boy could not fail to notice that his father had attracted the girl's attention.

«I thought I'd bring you a slice of cake: Gilbert made it with the apples from our orchard» he explained, extending a slice to each of them, focusing particularly on the girl, who, for the first time since she had arrived, showed off a large smile. «I really care about what you think, so please don't compliment and eat».

Gilbert thanked his father with a grateful look, noticing that Anne had actually taken a bite of her slice of cake.

«I didn't know you knew how to cook, Gil» Paul said in surprise.

«You're pretty good at it, I must admit» Jerry said.

He thanked them, hoping to receive a few words from someone else too...

They quickly finished eating, between laughs: Anne finally seemed more comfortable.

«Would you like to visit the orchard?» he asked suddenly.

His friends exchanged a series of confused looks: they had already seen it hundreds of times, what was he babbling about?

However, when Anne nodded weakly, the rest of the world no longer existed for Gilbert: «D-do you? Really? Good! Okay, yes! Well, perfect... we... cool! Uh... well, let's go», he mumbled incredulously, shooting to his feet.

«But... I had brought the new Call of Duty: aren't we playing?» Kyle asked.

«Yeah, we've been waiting for weeks to play» Jamie continued.

«Come on guys, please...» Gilbert prayed, glancing at his friends suggesting them that he was doing it to include Anne into the group.

«Are you trying to indulge Anne?» Jerry accused.

«It's no problem to me: you can go play what you want, it's not like you really have to mind me» she said sincerly.

«N-no! I... I also prefer to go a little outdoors». He reassured her. «I beg you…» he pleaded to his male friends.

Jerry rolled his eyes: «Fine, you idiot».

Walking through the rows of trees, Gilbert could only notice the redhead's enthusiastic expression and feeling relieved.

«Before my father and I, the orchard was taken care of by my grandfather, and before him by my great grandfather _and earlier_ , by his father», he explained.

He couldn't see the four friends behind him rolling their eyes and pretending to yawn or even throw up.

«Oh, it's so romantic!»

«It is», he agreed.

Anne stopped dreamily in front of the oldest and most imposing tree of the garden: «Wouldn't it be a dream to be able to climb such an amazing tree?»

«How long do we have to stay here?" Jamie complained.

« _To watch them flirt, moreover..._ » Kyle muttered under his breath.

«Anne is right», Gilbert began.

« _Oh, wow, I wasn't expecting that.._.»

« _Gilbert stop drooling over Anne challenge?_ »

«We really should climb that tree».

«Don't even think about it», Jerry exclaimed.

«Let's do this: we go inside to assemble the Playstation, while you two... _you two do whatever you want_ , and then you join us when you're ready, alright?» Paul suggested, sensing that Gilbert wanted a moment alone with the girl.

«Uh... if it's not a problem for you...»

He did not even finish the sentence, that the four friends were already heading back to the house, leaving them alone: Gilbert suddenly realized it, as if someone had thrown a bucket of frozen water in his face. He blushed slightly.

«I admit that I haven't climbed here for quite a while» he said, seeing how Anne was already halfway.

«Oh, it's simpler than you think! Come on, I'll help you».

He did not have it repeated twice, and followed the redhead laughing: in a short time, they reached two branches high enough to provide a breathtaking view of the countryside around the Blythes house.

«These landscapes are so wonderful that no word could really do justice to the sense of pleasure, completeness and tranquility that they transmit but I still think that a written description, imbued with emotions and sensations, can still help to remember a similar moment over the years, or at least better than a photograph would do - _in my opinion of course_... but maybe I would think differently if I learned to master the art of photography. It would be nice to learn, actually...»

Gilbert listened to every word that came out of her mouth with incredible attention and admiration; his expression did not in the least hide the feeling of adoration he felt towards her.

«Am I talking too much? People sometimes tell me that I should talk less and I can do it if necessary».

«No! No: not at all» he reassured her dreamily.

Anne blushed slightly.

«Well, we should go back home now: your friends will be waiting for you».

«No!» he said, a little too quickly. «I mean... if you like, we can stay here for a few more minutes».

Anne did not reply: she seemed thoughtful.

«The cake you cooked was good, anyway». Gilbert smiled at her. «And your father looks like a very kind man. His eyes are full of love towards you».

At those words Gilbert felt a very strong pang in his heart: «Uh, thanks. And yes: he is a fantastic father».

Realizing that she had said too much, Anne went slightly back on the defensive: «It wasn't very smart of you to get on this tree wearing such an expensive shirt».

«I think we can both agree it's not the stupidest thing I've done recently», he joked. «And about that...»

Anne rolled her eyes: _here we are again_.

«I know you don't want to listen to me, really! But if I don't explain what my true intentions were, what I really meant... well, I'll go crazy».

The girl avoided his gaze, but did not stop nor run away.

«That day, when we met, I... I didn't mean those things. Or rather: I meant them, but not in the way you think! I wasn't making fun of you, I... I was describing what I saw and, frankly, what I saw was very, very pretty. _Anne_ : _you_... _you are very, very pretty_ ».

Gilbert couldn't believe he really said those things. He felt his cheeks turn redder with every passing second.

«I really think so. Always» he concluded.

They stood for a few minutes in silence, lulled by each other's breaths.

«I think we should get off», suggested Anne, her voice soft.

Event tho their relationship hadn't really changed since that moment, the following Monday, Gilbert could have sworn he saw her stop before getting into school, turn to him and slightly smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am beyond sorry for the lenght of this chapter! I hope I didn't bore you all to death. Also, please let me know if you liked it and if you prefer this lenght or less than that and I'll gladly follow your suggestions.  
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Year Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please, stay.

In the past year Gilbert had learned many things: for example, that scientific subjects such as chemistry and biology intrigued and excited him much more than Professor Phillips managed to do with literature; he had learned to play hockey quite well, so much that thanks to his agility, Avonlea High's team had won the last game of the championship; lastly, he had learned that Sebastian was sometimes too impulsive: as soon as he was hired in a travel agency with a permanent contract, he did not waste a second before spending what would have been his first salary to buy his brother a computer.

But, above all, he had learned two things: the first was that it was better to leave Anne Shirley-Cuthbert her space, to avoid irritating or intimidating her too much; the second was that however much he tried, Gilbert could not stay away from her.

Not by chance, in fact, at the beginning of his second year of high school, as soon as he heard that Anne would have been part of it, Gilbert had joined the academic decathlon team: this way, at least, he could be in her company without her being able to avoid him or making it too abvious that the only reason he was there, _was her_.

Jerry had tried to dissuade him, saying that it would have been an unnecessary waste of time that he could instead spend going out with him or practicing extra hockey training.

«It's already embarrassing enough for me to be the brother of the oddest person in school! Now must my best friend also start doing these _dumb activities_ with... _dumb losers?_ »

«Come on Jerry! I have fun and... it's only once a week», Gilbert reassured him. «I won't be offended if you don't show at the competitions», he concluded, laughing.

«Shut up», he snorted. «Of course I will come to see you, Anne cares a lot, _I promised her...»_ he whispered muttering: «Just know that I don't agree! If we want to date the coolest girls and get invited to the parties that really matter, then your hobby could be a problem. _Slow us down»_.

«You sure? Silly me who thought girls loved this kind of things».

«Very funny» he countered with the same sarcastic tone of his friend, unable to hold back a smile.

That's why on a cold mid-January Tuesday afternoon, the boy found himself in the coldest and most forgotten classroom of the school: it was barely four o'clock when Anne entered from the creaky gray door, making the room seem suddenly brighter and more welcoming at Gilbert's eyes.

It was the first time that a girl had interested him so much to fill his thoughts at any time of the day, _everyday_ , to make him nervous and unsure of how to approach her, start a chat or just say hi: it seemed that whatever he said was stupid and made her go away.

His friends caught him numerous times blushing in front of the redhead when she approached down the corridors to talk to Jerry and other strange behaviors did not go unnoticed: the way his adoring gaze followed her from afar when they crossed the girl before entering the canteen, making him completely estranged from reality, the questions he asked to Jerry with fake indifference about how his sister was doing or, moreover, how he seemed to lose all his ability to speak when he tried to start a conversation with her.

So, it was inevitable that one day Paul had asked him _the_ question: «Gil, do you like Jerry's sister?»

At that insinuation his stomach made a couple of flips and his cheeks flushed; then he looked at Jerry: his, was an expression of pure terror.

«What? No! No, absolutely not», he said defensively, without thinking about it. On the other hand, Jerry had always been quite clear that, to him, it was not a good idea and let him understand that he would have felt betrayed if his best friend had developed certain interests towards his sister.

«My God Paul!» Jerry scolded him. «How did such a thing come to your mind? Anne? With Gilbert? I can't even imagine it».

«Yeah» he remarked, frowining a little.

Gilbert tried to diminish what had happened in his head, trying to convince himself that he had answered the question sincerely: what sense would it have had? Crushing on a girl who seemed to barely stand you and whose brother, as well as your best friend, disapproved so much to consider such a situation absurd? _Absolutely none_.

That's why, every day, he had to fight with the awareness that it was just like that: _he was definitely crushing on Anne Shirley-Cuthbert_.

«Okay: at work!» Penny Martel exclaimed, a senior year girl, honorary member of the club.

There were not many students who had chosen to participate in the academic decathlon, rather, they were just the bare minimum: seven boys and two girls, mostly from the third and fourth year; Anne being the only freshman.

«Today we're going to do a simulation, so let's split into two groups» continued the girl.

Before moving in any direction, Gilbert intercepted Anne's gaze: _what he wouldn't have given to make that fraction of a second last longer._

Then, the redhead walked away, taking part on the opposite team.

«Well, let's start with some questions of the category "words that begin with the letters E-U"».

«You'll do great, Gilbert!» the boy looked up, reddish: he had not in the least realized the group of girls sitting at the back of the classroom. Since when did academic decathlon interest people so much as to have an audience _even_ during the rehearsals?

Instinctively he turned to look at Anne, feeling guilty for some reason, and observed that an annoyed look, which soon became a grin of pain, was painted on the girl's face, while her left hand had squeezed into a fist at the height of her stomach.

«Emotional condition that-»

«Euphoria», Anne replied promptly, earning a pat on the back from her companions. However, Gilbert noticed that something was wrong: her voice was hoarse and broken, her gaze lost and not even the slightest trace of satisfaction for having scored a point.

«Europe» Penny replied: Gilbert had not even heard the question.

«Exclamation of joy used to celebrate a discovery?»

«Everything good?» he mimicked the girl with his lips, before she looked away and booked herself for the next answer.

«Eureka».

«Correct! Controversial act for ending a life to alleviate-»

«Euthanasia», Gilbert replied promptly.

«Go Gilbert!» shouted the chorus of girls, before bursting into giggles.

«You are the best!» added another.

«Well! I would say to take a five-minute break before resuming the next category: great job, anyways».

Gilbert hurriedly approached the redhead: «Are you all right, Anne?»

«Of course» she replied in a low voice.

«Are you sure?» he insisted. «You are a little pale and... I want you to beat me fair and square» he akwardly tried to flirt, feeling the blush creep onto his cheeks.

_Ugh, pathetic! Bash had warned me no to try..._

Anne looked at him, her brows furrowed: «It's only because I can't concentrate with _your cheerleaders_ squeaking at your every word or movement» she hissed.

«They... I... They are not "my cheerleaders", I... I don't know them. I swear» he justified himself.

«Well, if I were you I would let them know this too» she replied arshly before leaving.

Gilbert sighed and looked again at the girls at the back of the classroom: they were about ten and almost all from freshman year, many of those faces were familiar, both because he had met them in the corridors or glimpsed in the stands during hockey's trainings or matches.

«Let's continue!»

The two teams took their places again: the dark grimace of pain that had crossed Anne's face hadn't left.

«Next topic is literature: _Shakespeare_. Are you ready?»

Gilbert smiled proudly, thinking about how Anne would surely answer every question without the slightest effort: the redhead was the most intelligent, passionate and enthusiastic person he had ever met and this made her _so beautiful_ at his eyes.

Literature, in particular, seemed to highlight her qualities: whether it was for one of her essays full of paradisiacal descriptions, or if she was simply summarizing the plot of a book or a poem she had just read. Every time she spoke, Gilbert's eyes and ears hung from her lips and his heart seemed to explode with joy and admiration.

During these weekly meetings, he had learned that answering a question of literature before her, however almost impossible, also meant receiving a grim glance: therefore Gilbert, rather than not receiving any glances at all, made an effort to take that little she could offer him.

«The names of the three daughters of King Lear?»

«Regan, Goneril and... ugh, C-Cordelia» Anne managed to say.

«The names of rival families in the famous work of-»

«Montagues and Capulets» Gilbert replied, before even letting the question end.

«From which city the main characters of Midsummer Night's dream, Ermia and Lisandro, escaped to avoid the marriage between Ermia and Demetrius?»

«Athens», someone replied, but Gilbert paid no attention: Anne had just got up and hurriedly ran out of the classroom.

As a reflection, the boy followed her: «Anne!»

The redhead quickly slipped into the girls' bathroom, completely ignoring Gilbert.

«Oh, no! No, no, no!» he heard her complain. «It is not possible! Please! Oh, my God I'm going to die!»

Gilbert's heart leapt: _to_ _die_?!

«You - what?! Anne do I have to call an ambulance? What's happening?»

«Go away Gilbert! Leave me to my tragic fate, please! Oh, what an unromantic way to leave...»

«Please tell me what's going on, I'm worried sick! Let me help you» he pleaded, just outside the bathroom's door.

«No: go away!»

He sighed, «Do you want me to call someone? A teacher? The caretaker? Your parents?»

«N-no», she replied, clearly sore.

«Okay Anne: I'm getting into to the bathroom, alright?»

No answer came, which made Gilbert worry even more.

«Well, uhm, I... I'm getting in» he said slowly, blushing slightly at the thought that it was the girls' bathroom.

When he opened the door, he found out that Anne had locked herself in one of the toilets.

«Do you feel like walking?»

«No! And you can't help me! Nobody can!» she roared between sobs.

«If you feel up to it, we can go to the nurse together. They will know what to do, you'll see: I am sure it is nothing too serious» he continued, actually trying to calm himself down.

«Please Gilbert: go away!»

«Okay, I'm going away» agreed the dark-haired boy. «But not before someone else is with you. Do you want me to call Matthew and Marilla?»

«No! Not Matthew!» she prayed, her voice desperate.

«Fine, okay: I'll call Marilla then. Is that alright?»

Anne said nothing: Gilbert took it as an assent.

«Well, I... I'm going to get your things, the ones you left in the classroom and, uh ... I'll be right back. We will stay together until Marilla arrives. Do you feel like being alone in the meantime?»

In response he only heard Anne's sobs become louder and more frequent. His body was pervaded by fear: not knowing what was actually happening was driving him crazy.

«I'll be right back, Anne».

When he returned to the bathroom, with the girl's backpack and coat under his arm, Anne seemed more relaxed.

«I just called Marilla and she told me she's coming: to not to worry», he informed her, sitting down on the bathroom's floor. «She will be here in a few minutes, you'll see».

They spent the rest of the time without saying anything, the silence only broken by the girl's heavy sobs.

Then, the cell phone rang: «Gilbert, are you with Anne? I'm at the entrance but I didn't want to call and disturb her, but if you're not together I-»

«No, no: I'm with her. I'm coming to you and then I'll lead the way» he quickly interrupted.

«You are a sweetheart. Thanks, Gilbert» he hung up, in his mind the selfish desire to have heard those words come from Anne's mouth.

«I'll be right back. I'm going to Marilla and... uh, well it'll take me just one second. Don't worry: you'll be alright».

He walked quickly to the entrance, where Anne's mother stood nervously: «Miss Cuthbert, follow me».

«What happened?!»

«All I know is that she looked sore. Maybe her stomach, I don't know», he thought back to her pale face and felt worried once again: «But she didn't want to tell me anything and didn't want me to call an ambulance so I tried not to insist too much».

«Alright, dear».

«She looked worried. She was crying» he added nervously.

«I think I know what it is» she said, reassuring him with a maternal smile. «Is it here? Is this the bathroom?»

«Uh, yes. I'll wait outside».

That said, Marilla disappeared into the bathroom and stayed there for what seemed like an eternity to Gilbert.

When she finally came out, Anne was hiding behind her, her big blue eyes puffed with tears and her nose red: however, she seemed much calmer.

The boy could not find the strength to ask or say anything, he only extended the coat to the girl, who put it on avoiding his gaze.

«Thank you Gilbert» said Marilla. «Don't worry about Anne anymore, she will be fine. Go home and rest, you both took a big fright».

Gilbert nodded: «So... is she okay now? What had happened?»

«Marilla? Can we go? Thanks» Anne asked quickly, blushing furiously.

«Oh, nothing to worry about!» The woman reassured him. «It was just... you know... _Girlish things_ ».

«Marilla!» Anne yelled embarrassed, before fleeing away.

«Say hi to your father» Marilla managed to say, before running after an angry Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. Gilbert stood in the middle of the hallway, shaken by the previous events, finally feeling a huge weight slip off of his body.

_Girlish things?_

Finally at home, Gilbert took a warm, relaxing shower, hoping that it was enough to ease the tension he had accumulated in the last few hours. Once he had done, he put on a comfortable pair of sweatpants and one of the hundreds of sweaters he had in the closet, then making tea for him and his father while they waited for Bash to come home.

It had become a habit to spend afternoons in his father's room, telling him about his day in every little detail or nuance, in front of a nice cup of hot herbal tea or simply sitting beside him in silence while doing his homework or reading a book.

«Thanks, son».

It was difficult for Gilbert to see his bedridden father becoming weaker and paler day after day, but he did not want to look too sad or pityed.

«Did I put enough honey?»

«It's perfect, thanks», he said taking a sip, before starting to cough. Gilbert looked at him helplessly, trying to get rid of the veil of tears that was creating on his eyes.

«I had a math test today: it went pretty well».

«I had no doubt. What else can you tell me?»

«I attended the academic decathlon club», he began.

«With Anne?» Gilbert blushed at the insinuation that simple question brought with it.

"Uhm... well, yeah. Yes. And... _about Anne_ … she felt unwell today».

«Oh, poor girl! Nothing serious, I hope».

«I think not, I... I tried to help her but... I think I've just been an encumbrance, dad» he admitted.

John placed a large, warm hand on his son's, inviting him to look him in the eyes: «A good action, such as trying to help, is always right, son. Remember it».

Gilbert nodded: what would he do when his father died? Who would help him get up in situations like these? His dad was his hero, his strength... it was unthinkable for him, a future without his advices, his smiles, his wise words, _his love_.

«What really matters is that she's well now and Marilla assured me that it was nothing serious... oh, by the way: she says hi».

«A kind soul, Marilla Cuthbert. Return as soon as you see her, please».

Gilbert noticed that his father's gaze became heavy and the words limped out of his mouth: a sign that it was time to end the chat and let him rest.

He then quickly run to his bedroom: he needed answers. The boy took the brand new computer and turned it on.

On the search bar, he wrote down all the symptoms and details he thought could help him find his answers: _pain, stomach, girl, 13 years old_.

He clicked " _enter_ " and after a couple of seconds, thousands of search results materialized before his eyes.

He felt a total idiot: “ _How the hell did I not think about it right away? How did I not think about it at all?_ " he scolded himself.

It was obvious that it was menstruation! It must have been the first time for Anne. They probably never even told her about it at the orphanage: _how stupid!_

He felt guilty for not reassuring her immediately by telling her that it was normal and that she was not dying, however shocking the first menses might be.

He remembered when, among the sobs, she had told him that neither he nor anyone could help her and he decided that instead he would try, to remedy his total uselessness of that day: next time, he would be prepared.

**How to help a friend with period?**

He clicked on the first search result: **Most girls have their first period when they're between 10 and 15, but every girl body has its own schedule. It causes changes in hormones and therefore the body will begin to change: it will witness breast growth and...**

Gilbert closed the page, crimson from head to toe: it wasn't what he was looking for.

He opened the second link, and finally found the answers he needed: he tried to ignore the fact that the title of the article read " **How to help your girlfriend during her period?** " letting himself pretend for a minute she really was his girlfriend.

**Be patient;**

**Bring her the food she craves, whatever it is;**

**Be attentive;**

**Suggest to watch a movie or any other activity that does not need much effort;**

**Give her space.**

He thought about those advices for a while: he could do them. He could help her. He decided that for next month he would prepare better: he would bring her something to eat, like a bar of chocolate, which -he recalled- produces serotonin, the hormone of happiness: she would have liked it. _Right?_

Then he decided that he would buy her an interesting DVD, so that she could watch it comfortably in bed, under the blankets. Or with him, if she liked it...

Suddenly he remembered when his father told him about her mother and what she liked and that she was particularly fond of the movie "Sixteen Candles": he would bring her that.

«What the hell are you doing, Blythe?»

Gilbert jumped, closing the laptop as fast as possible, praying that Bash hadn't really seen what he was doing, or he would have made fun of him for the rest of his life.

«Nothing».

«It didn't seem like "nothing" to me», he chuckled. «How come you are interested in... certain topics? I guess next step will be-»

«Bash!» Gilbert called him back, who would have done anything to avoid certain speeches. «It's for a research. For... science».

Sebastian seemed to think it over for a moment: «Makes sense». _Thank goodness_.

Then, instead of leaving Gilbert's room, who was looking at him impatient to go back to his researches, he collapsed on his bed.

«I met a woman: her name is Mary» he had a dreamy look and a broad smile.

«Poor thing», the boy joked, laughing. Sebastian's smile, however, showed no sign of diminishing.

«She is nice, intelligent, kind, beautiful...» the image of Anne Shirley Cuthbert formed in Gilbert's head, but he decided to focus on his friend instead, who was now like a brother. «...She will become my wife».

«What?! Bash, how many times have you seen her? And did you at least ever talked to her?»

«I saw her once, and it was enough for me to know I will marry her: sometimes you just know it». Gilbert could do anything but agree with him. «And yes, of course I talked to her: we're having a coffee tomorrow».

«I'm happy for you. Don't mess it up».

«I'll be a prince» he assured, dreamingly.

Impulsive as Sebastian was, he was also determined: it was almost impossible for him to regret a choice made, whether it took him a little thinking, or not thinking at all. It had been two weeks since he had told Gilbert about Mary, the woman who had stolen his heart, and not a single day had passed without him mentioning her since then.

«Well, we want to know her after everything you've told us: don't we, Gilbert?»

«Absolutely! I can't believe that a woman has endured so much not only to survive a date with you, but even to accept to see you again» joked the boy. «She must be a saint».

«She's an angel. _My angel_ , actually... and you're just envious because I impressed the woman I like, while you were beaten when you tried».

«It's not true!» he countered annoyed. «I wasn't trying! I don't like Anne: we're just friends» he tried to justify himself, even though aware that nobody would even pretend to believe him.

«Okay guys, stop bickering. Rather, tell us: in a few days it's Valentine's Day... what are your plans?»

Bash looked hesitant: «I'll be romantic».

John laughed: it was nice to see him carefree.

«And that means...?» the boy asked, crossing his arms over his chest: if Bash had really managed to impress this Mary, it would have been worth trying to learn something.

«I will organize one of those candlelit dinners with the table sprinkled with rose petals, you know? Those movie stuff that drives girls crazy».

«Explain yourself better», Gilbert encouraged.

Meanwhile, John Blythe was laughing silently as he watched the two young boys at the mercy of love.

«Fine, Blythe! We will eat something sophisticated in a nice place, one of the expensive ones: my Mary deserves only the best! And then I'll give her something homemade: a vase, a beaded bracelet... something cute».

Gilbert rolled his eyes, jealous of his brother's ease and ability in these things.

«What's important is that it has to be homemade: women like this kind of things better because they understand that you have really committed yourself... Did you take notes, boy?» he teased him.

«Thank you, but no: I wouldn't do anything about them».

Bash and his father exchanged a knowing look.

«Don't make those faces! I already told you that Anne is just a friend, I don't have to impress her».

«Interesting how you put her in the middle when none of us mentioned her...»

«Bash! I just... It's you who... Before... Ugh!» he complained, annoyed and embarrassed.

«Son, Sebastian is right: he can give you some advices, certainly better than the ones I can give you».

Gilbert looked down, stopping to deny the obvious: it was useless.

«You could write her a nice Valentine's Day card, for example: draw some hearts, stick some glitter on them and write her how you feel» he proposed.

The boy thought about it for a second: it was just the kind of gift that would have made Anne incredibly happy. But what was he supposed to write to her? And then, with what courage would he give it? The thought of rejection was not only humiliating, but also excruciating.

«I can help you», Bash offered.

Once again, Gilbert looked at him without knowing what to say or do, his heart pounding in his chest.

«I can help you too!» added his father.

«We're doing it together: I'm going to buy some colored cardboard, ribbon and other nice things and we will all work hard, huh, Gilbert?»

John nodded, excited about the idea.

«I... I don't know, I don't... uh... Anne and I... it's complicated», he stammered. «No! I-I said I don't like her, alright? I won't write her any Valentine's card» he concluded.

Bash burst onto laughing, increasing the gradation of red on the boy's face.

«What are you laughing for?»

«Your face».

«My face?»

«Yeah, your face: you have this... _moke expression»_ he laughed.

Gilbert frowned: he knew. Apparently, it was the only facial expression he had when talking to or about Anne.

A couple of days passed, and Gilbert did nothing but think and rethink about Valentine's day: perhaps because they had decorated the school like a wedding favor, with pink banners and heart-shaped balloons in every corner, perhaps because of the idea that Bash and his father had put in his head or more simply for the conversation he had overheard at the end of the last meeting of the academic decathlon.

The same girls who showed up for the first time a few weeks before had become regular spectators: they continued to be noisy and intrusive, for Gilbert likings.

Furthermore, their presence seemed to annoy Anne who, for some strange reason, then took it out on the boy.

One day, however, when everyone had their coats already on and were ready to leave, the group approached Anne as if they were one body.

«Hello! I'm Kate» a blonde girl introduced herself, followed closely by all the others.

Gilbert knew that eavesdropping on other people's conversations was wrong, that's why he wasn't _absolutely_ doing such a thing: he was simply taking longer than necessary to leave the classroom...

«Hi» the redhead hesitantly replied. «I'm Anne. With an e».

«Nice to meet you, Anne».

The dark-haired man smiled: he was glad that she was finally making friends. He just couldn't understand how it was possible that people had ignored her until then.

«You know, tomorrow we go to the mall to help Jennifer choose her boyfriend's Valentine's Day gift: would you come?»

Anne seemed to light up, showing off a huge and radiant smile: «Me?» she exclaimed incredulously.

«Yes: you».

«Sure! W-willingly! I love Valentine's Day and I'm sure that receiving your gift will make your boyfriend so happy! Every time he'll look at that object he will think of you and the love that binds you! If it happened to me, I could die of joy» The girl's eyes shone, the tone of voice revealed a childish trepidation.

But when the girls burst out laughing, Anne's smile quickly disappeared.

«Sure... okay then» Kate exclaimed, still laughing.

Gilbert had a bad feeling about those girls, but he decided to say nothing: after all, he had no real reason (if not those apparently derisive laughter) to despise what might have been Anne's first friends.

«And if you want you can also bring your brother and Gilbert Blythe... we saw that you are friends, right?»

At these words she turned to the boy, apparently feeling his presence, just in time to see him rushing out of the classroom before she could see his guilty expression on the face. Still , he was satisfyied at the thought that he had learned enough information to take a decision: he would write her a Valentine's card. The best Valentine's card ever made in history.

Gilbert looked again and again at the card in his hands: with the lunch money, he had bought a cream-colored card, red and pink glitter and various stickers and ribbons; once at home, he had taken an entire afternoon to come up with something good.

The result was not perfect (the hearts were a little crooked and his handwriting was not the best) but he hoped it could still go.

For a couple of days he had kept the card hidden in the drawer of his desk to avoid questions from his father or Sebastian, unaware that his brother found it the following morning while tidying the house: amused, he took it to John to make him participate and together they joked about how much Gilbert had lost his head for that girl from day one; then, he put the note back exactly where he found it.

What most tormented Gilbert was the prospect of refusal, so he decided to opt for the simplest and most cowardly decision: not to sign it. He would simply leave the anonymous note in her locker and wait to see her reaction from a few meters away.

On the other hand, his statement was somewhat compromising:

  
_**Dear Anne,** _   
_**You are the most intelligent and beautiful girl I have ever known. You are always in my sweetest thoughts, with your radiant smile, fiery red hair and big blue eyes: I hope one day they can rest on me with the same affection with which my heart accelerates the beat when I see you even from afar.** _

  
_**With love,** _   
_**Your secret Valentine.** _

If anyone found out, Gilbert thought, it would have been the end for him.

«This really is an idiotic day» Jerry complained. «All these couples make me diabetes. Luckily the two of us are single».

«Uh, yeah... luckily», Gilbert replied, his mind somewhere else: his eyes were glued to Anne's locker, waiting for her to arrive.

«And I'm not saying that because I'm single, let's be clear! Even if I had a girlfriend, Valentine's Day would remain terrible».

At that moment Gilbert saw the redhead approach the locker and his heart began to tantrum.

«Are you listening?»

«Um, what?»

«The glitter».

«The... what?»

«You have glitter on your face!»

Gilbert blushed: «Oh! Uh, yeah. Yes, well, it must be Bash's fault…» he lied, running a hand over his face. «He bought a gift to his new girlfriend and... he filled the house with glitter».

«We lost Sebastian too then, huh? All behind some girl, what a terrible end... Fortunately I have you, friend».

«Fortunately, yes...» he sighed, seeing Anne finally pick up his Valentine's card.

The boy's hands begun to sweat and he was sure Jerry could hear the sound of his heart hammering madly against his chest.

«We'd better go back to class now».

«Yes, I... I'll join you in a second. I'm waiting for a call from my father, so... I'll make it quick».

«You sure? Do you want me to wait with you?»

«No!» he said, perhaps too quickly. «No, there is no need. Thanks anyway».

Jerry looked at him suspiciously: «You're strange today, bro».

«Valentine's Day's fault» he joked and Jerry seemed to believe it, leaving him.

The dark-haired boy noticed Anne inspecting the card with a slight smile on her lips and therefore decided to risk a little more.

He approached slowly, enthusiastic that the girl's smile had grown wider and that she was so absorbed in his words that she didn't even notice his presence.

«Hi, Anne» he said, making her jump and quickly close the ticket inside the locker.

The girl blushed slightly and the same happened to Gilbert, in whose throat, moreover, an annoying knot formed.

«I just... uhm... Ha-Happy Valentine's Day» he tried, more and more panicked, scratching the back of his neck with his left hand.

«Uh, thanks... to you too».

For a few seconds they looked at each other, not sure what to say next and feeling the embarrassment grow.

«So... I have-»

«I have to go, sorry», the girl interrupted hurriedly, bright red, before running away and leaving the boy behind her.

In another occasion, perhaps, he would have been hurt: but not that day. He knew for sure that she had liked his card and that was enough to make him walk on clouds for days.

Once at home, the boy could not wait to go to his father and tell him how Professor Brown had praised him for his English essay, or how Jerry had repeated all day long how much he hated Valentine's Day and also about the success of his undertaking, confessing that yes: he had a terrible crush on Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. But the atmosphere at home, he discovered, was far from joyful.

«What happened?»

«Nothing to worry too much about, Gilbert: your father had a crisis today, but he's better now» tried to explain Bash in a calm tone.

«And why haven't you said anything so far?» he asked angrily as he rushed into his father's room.

«We didn't want to frighten you unnecessarily! Now everything is fine».

Gilbert fought to push back the tears, focusing on the rhythm of his breathing.

«Son, don't get angry: I asked not to let you know... I didn't want to distract you from school».

No longer able to hold it back, a tear streaked his face: «I have the right to know when you have a crisis, dad! I want to know! You can't... you can't protect me from this situation, okay? We're in this together» he cried, now in tears. «We're in this together», he repeated, throwing his arms around his father's neck.

John returned the hug, feeling guilty. «You're right», he whispered. «I won't do it anymore, okay? Can you forgive me?»

Gilbert nodded, shaken by the terror that had pervaded him a few seconds earlier.

«As much as we are all doing our best to avoid certain speeches, we have to be objective: I don't have much time left».

«Dad…»

«That's alright, son», he admitted, also in tears. «But I'm glad you two are a family».

Gilbert and Sebastian looked at each other and smiled: John was right. They had become brothers in no time, bickering from time to time but always watching each other's back, ready to take on the problems together and to rejoice for the other's successes as if they were their own.

«We are too», the boy confessed in a whisper, while Bash nodded silently.

«That's why I decided to start the practices to legally adopt Sebastian as soon as possible: so that you can be a full-fledged family, when unfortunately I won't be there anymore».

Nobody said anything: any word would have been superfluous. They simply stood motionless in the room, waiting for the anger and sadness to be replaced to tiredness and the awareness that the little time left could not be spent this way.

The days passed and although the melancholy did not seem to show signs of diminishing, they tried to ignore it and not let it take over.

Gilbert didn't think of anything else for whole days: his father was leaving him. Every day it seemed that this awareness was tearing his heart a little more, piece by piece. When he greeted him in the morning before going to school, he wondered if he would be lucky enough to be able to greet him again in the afternoon, bringing him a steaming cup of tea that he no longer had the strength to drink and telling him about his day without expecting comments from his part, because he no longer even had the strength to speak.

Also Jerry understood that it was now a matter of little time, even if Gilbert had not found the courage to talk about it, so he tried to stay close to him more than usual, making him understand that he could count on his best friend.

The only time of the day when his heart seemed to forget the sadness, were those handfuls of seconds in which he glimpsed a bunch of red hair walking on the opposite side of the corridor or leaving a class laughing with those who had become her new friends.

For a moment he allowed himself to only think of how nice it would have been to be able to laugh with her, carefree, without any anguish.

For this reason, when a few days later he saw a grimace of pain crossing the girl's face, about thirty or fourty days after what he now knew had been Anne's first menses, he decided to try once again to get closer, albeit to touch heaven with a finger for a few seconds.

He was waiting for her in front of the classroom where the academic decathlon would be held, away from Jerry and all his schoolmates.

«Hello Anne!»

«Hi Gilbert» she returned, smiling slightly.

«How are you?»

The redhead looked embarrassed for a moment, but then shrugged: «I'm good, thank you. You?»

«Fine» he lied, and understood that Anne knew it but said nothing, sensing that he didn't want to talk about it.

«I... I brought you something» he said hesitantly in front of the questioning look of the girl. «I don't know w-which type of chocolate you prefer so I... here... I-I brought it to you of all types» Gilbert was so nervous that his hands and voice trembled and he could not move his gaze from the tip of his feet, sure that if he looked at Anne in the face he would melt. «And I don't even know if you've seen this movie but, uh... it's good. _Sixteen Candles._ It was my mom's favorite».

«Why are you giving me this stuff?» she asked, hesitantly taking the white, milk and dark chocolate bars from the boy's hands and studying the cover of the DVD.

«You know, uhm, I read that chocolate relieves menstrual pain and that during the menses quiet activities such as watching a movie or reading or... things like that are recommended» he explained, clumsily clearing his throat.

When Gilbert finally decided to look at Anne in the face, he discovered that she had turned red exactly as her hair and her eyes were so wide that it seemed they wanted to get out of their sockets.

«Y-you don't have to be ashamed of me! I-- mensturations are normal! I did not understand that... that time... well, that it was... _this_. Or I would have immediately reassured you» he explained so quickly that there seemed to be no spaces between one word and another.

«So you know?!» was all the redhead managed to say, completely in shock.

«No! I mean, yes! Yes, but... There is nothing wrong or to be ashamed of, really! I just wanted... j-just to help you. For the pain. 'Cause I know it hurts, r-right? I swear, I didn't want to embarrass you, I just wanted to... help».

«Well, next time help me by minding your own business!» she cried, before running away.

«No Anne! Please! I didn't mean to meddle, I swear to you!» he cried, trying to reach her. «Anne, please, I beg you: please don't go! I just want... I-I just want...» his voice died, seeing that the girl had no intention of stopping to run away from him or to listen to him.

«I just want you to like me a thousandth of how I like you», he whispered to himself.

Exactly as expected, John Blythe died less than a month later.

It was Gilbert himself who discovered that he had left them in his sleep, when he entered his room to give him a good morning: he cried so much seeing him lifeless, with his cold hand in his, that then he could no longer, as if he had finished all his tears.

Sebastian tried to make him understand that he had to let go but nothing seemed to work, so he decided to leave him his time and space, without sounding too repetitive.

Jerry and the Cuthberts also occasionally came to the Blythe-Lacroix to offer a hand or just a little comfort, but still, Gilbert seemed not to notice the world moving around him.

«Gilbert I know very well that what you are feeling now is heartbreaking and I also know that I will never be able to fully understand it, but please: you must try to let yourself go. Cry, scream... do anything you need» Sebastian suggested lovingly, once again.

Then, Marilla Cuthbert knocked on the door, and Bash left his brother alone, sighing with concern. From the entrance, however, the sound of several voices came.

«Can I?» he heard someone ask from behind him: it was Anne.

Gilbert nodded faintly, expecting to see the girl sit on the sofa in front of him, try to say something sensible: it visibly left him stunned, in fact, to see her take a seat next to him and, without saying a single word, embrace him in a tight hug.

Something in the way her little hand caressed him and in her faint scent seemed to him not only appropriate, but even maternal: as if he had known her touch for a lifetime.

«I'm sorry, Gilbert» was all she needed to say to bring down those invisible walls that had unwittingly created around Gilbert, who finally felt his eyes moisten and an excruciating pain: everything, even suffering, was better than the apathy in which he was wrapped up to that moment.

That evening everyone wondered how Anne had succeeded in what no one else had managed to do, even Gilbert himself: _probably_ , only an emotion as strong as love could wake up others as powerful as the pain of such a significant loss.

 _Probably_ , his was not a crush: _probably_ Gilbert was in love with Anne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! First of all: thank you so much for reading! Then, I want to add that everything that "Gilbert had learned about period" was actually taken from several websites.  
> What else? Well... form now on Gilbert is going to be (believe it or not) even MORE awkward trying to catch Anne's attention\flirt with her. And yes, I can't wait to write it!  
> Byeeee


	4. Year Three - Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please, kiss me.

It was one thing to know that you had a crush on Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, it was quite another to be aware of being completely in love with her.

Gilbert Blythe knew this well, who, on that mid-September Saturday evening, under the dim lights of the overcrowded house of the Johnsons, was hiding in a corner of the kitchen trying to make sense of why his heart was beating as fast as if he had just finished running a marathon, with a drink in his hand he had probably forgotten and his gaze dreamly glued to the beautiful redhead who was laughing just a few meters away from him with her head tilted back and her eyes half closed.

It had been just over six months since that terrible day the boy had lost his father and a little less since the day Anne had consoled him with an unexpected hug and sweet words whispered against his soft skin, reassuring him with her warm breath.

Since then, Anne hadn't touched him again.

The looks full of compassion lasted about a month or two, then everything returned to normal: it was as if the girl had decided that the sudden softness towards him could only hurt the boy, as if in this way she reminded him, every day, that his father was dead. That's why she stopped.

What she did not realize was, however, that by doing so she had created another great void in Gilbert's heart in addition to the loss of his father, making him taste so much sweetness and then forbidding it soon after.

He was tormented by the constant desire to be near her, to talk to her, discover her, savor her. The very thought of the girl was enough to ignite his soul and lead him by the hand into the densest woods of his imagination: fantasies so forbidden and so embarrassing that he blushed at the mere memory.

Even in that moment, half hidden, Gilbert felt the usual exhausting sensation at the pit of his stomach expand until he was completely swallowed. He wanted to get closer, run a hand through her soft locks of hair and then get closer and kiss each freckle, discover new ones in the hollow of her neck or under her collarbone and then, finally, to throw himself headlong on her inviting lips.

«Nice party, isn't it?» Paul brought him back to reality with a vigorous pat on the back.

«Uhm, yeah», he managed to say, after several seconds that took him to recover from the trance he had sunk into. «It's... cool».

«You should try to have some fun, bud!» continued Moody, a boy he met through the corridors of the school at the beginning of the new year: _a strange type, that Moody_ , Gilbert thought. _A little awkward, but nice._

He was a year younger than him, but thanks to his spontaneity and passion for parties, fun and boyish pranks, he immediately made friends with Jerry and soon became an integral part of the group.

«I'm having fun» the dark-haired boy replied.

«I bet if you gulped down what's left in your glass by the drop, you'd have a lot more fun», he suggested.

Gilbert looked at Paul, asking for a more reliable opinion than Moody's and only when he nodded Gilbert gulped down the contents of his glass, twisting his mouth and squinting.

Moody was satisfied at his friend's action: he let out a primitive scream, like an orangutan in the jungle and then disappeared to go talk to some first year's girls.

«Now that you've ingested some "liquid courage", you might as well go talk to her instead of staring at her creepyly all evening, you know?» Paul suggested with a mischievous smile pointing to the redhead, before giving him a light nudge.

Gilbert felt his face go up in flames and had already opened his mouth to reply that he had no idea what he was talking about, but his friend was quicker to walk away, leaving him alone with an uncomfortable truth and a sudden sense of terror to manage.

Was it so noticeable that he was looking at her? No way, he had been careful and discreet: Paul must have said that only because his friends always teased him about Anne… right? Besides, what was he supposed to tell her? And again, had he really drunk enough "liquid courage" to even consider getting close to her?

Just as the agitation was skyrocketing, raising a thousand doubts and questions, conjectures and hypotheses in his mind, Anne turned to him, meeting his eyes: if he thought that his heart was beating too fast before, at that moment he felt as if he were on the verge of a collapse.

Like a standing ovation, thousands of chills made their way down the spine of the boy who, a little awkwardly, tried to raise his hand in greeting: Anne was in time to respond with what seemed like a faint smile before her friends dragged her away in great haste for some reason.

Gilbert slowly lowered his arm, disappointed at the brevity of that interaction, and felt like an idiot as he stared across the room hoping she would turn to give him a look of any kind; he swallowed hard and with a sad look, when he realized that it was not going to happen.

«Gil!» He heard himself called without knowing where. «Gil, Gil, Gil!»

Only when Jerry leapt in front of him and with a triumphant smile from ear to ear did he manage to focus.

«Jerry?» he laughed, infected by that sudden happiness.

«This evening… oh, my God! The best of my life!» he had a dreamy look and hugged his friend before starting to explain: «I bet twenty dollars against Kyle on who would be able to eat more cheese fries in a minute and guess what? I won! And what happened next? Mh?»

Gilbert shook his head, laughing: he was really happy to see his best friend so enthusiastic.

«Maya Davis is waiting for me upstairs», he whispered with a wink, still with the usual toothy smile.

«Maya Davis?» he asked. He had never heard of her before.

«A sophomore: pretty, on the swimming team and rumored to be a great kisser» he explained.

Gilbert nodded: «And I bet she's waiting upstairs for you to let you find out if the rumors are true».

«You got it!» he exploded joyfully, before hugging his friend again.

«I hope you have some peppermint gums: I can smell you won that bet against Kyle, Baynard» he teased, laughing.

«Of course: I'm an organized man» he assured, pulling a box of extra-strong peppermint candies out of his pocket. «Now, as wonderful as your company is, dear Gil, my bridesmaid is waiting for me!»

«I would never want to make you late, chivalrous knight: go ahead!»

«Try to have fun without me, Blythe!» Jerry urged him, smiling. «Rather, try to end up with some pretty girl too: it would be about damn time, wouldn't it?» he yelled trying to overpower the noise of the music as he splashed up the stairs.

Gilbert took a moment to laugh at the fact that he had never seen his friend run down the stairs so quickly, deliberately ignoring his last words.

 _At least one of us is lucky tonight_ , he thought, looking around and wondering what happened to Moody, Paul or Kyle.

«Hi, Gilbert!»

The boy had not noticed Kate approaching, one of Anne's friends, until she appeared in front of him.

«Hello», he immediately looked over his shoulder, hoping to catch sight of the only girl with whom he would have liked to have a conversation at that moment, without however seeing a trace.

«You've played exeptionally during last match» she began, slowly getting closer.

«Uh, thank you. It was team work, however: I didn't play particularly well».

It was not the first time that some girl had approached him to compliment his performances. Of course, he worked hard and thanks to constant training and dedication he managed to secure himself the title of co-captain already the previous year: impressive for a sophomore.

But since he had started his third year of high school and word had spread that he would soon be the captain, the compliments seemed to have tripled: yet, Gilbert thought, most of the time they were made by those who, he knew for sure, didn't understand anything about hockey.

«Talented and modest, huh?» the blonde continued, placing a hand on his toned chest.

Gilbert jumped.

«I wouldn't say that: I think Jerry is the player to be praised for our latest win».

Kate smiled: «Anyway we're going to play spin the bottle... you could join, you know?»

At first the boy blushed at the girl's impudence. «Thank you but I think I'll pass».

«Oh, come on!» the girl complained. «Give me just one good reason why you shouldn't come, and I won't insist anymore», she whispered in what wanted to be a seductive tone.

He was about to retort with at least a hundred good reasons to refuse, when Anne appeared a few meters ahead and surprisingly stopped to watch the two chatting, from the opposite side of the room.

It only took a second for Gilbert to lose himself in her and forget everything else: his eyes were shining and his heart had started beating too fast.

«I'll take that as a yes», Kate chuckled, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the veranda: the same room where Anne had disappeared a second earlier.

It was quieter and more secluded than the rest of the house, despite the usual smell of cheap alcohol and the chatter of people: there were about thirty of them and all diligently arranged in a circle.

«We have a new participant», the girl exclaimed, finally letting go of his hand.

High-pitched screams and muffled laughter erupted at that realization, and Gilbert managed to look up just in time to notice that Anne was looking at him once again, before quickly lowering her gaze.

«If you all take your seats, we can begin» a senior year girl informed them, dressed from head to toe in black and with heavy eye makeup of the same color.

Reality hit Gilbert like a train only when Phil MacPherson, having turned the bottle, stood in front of him, kissing Amanda Levitan in an unchaste and tongue-in-cheek way.

Although there were many rumors circulating, not only in the corridors of the school but also in the streets of all Avonlea, Gilbert had never had any kind of experience with girls: not even a mere kiss.

In truth, Gilbert had never been very good at making friends and if it hadn't been for Jerry he would probably have found himself alone. Worse was, however, the situation with the girls: even though he was almost seventeen, the nominee of "golden boy" and opportunities had never been lacking, he had never achieved anything.

When he was younger he saw it as a game: he liked seeing girls give him certain attentions, but he got bored once he got them. As the years progressed he found himself craving the attention of only one of them but this seemed not to see him at all.

Another couple of couples gave a show with passionate kisses, charging the air of the room with electricity.

«The next to spin the bottle will be Gilbert» someone exclaimed enthusiastically, causing an explosion of giggles.

The boy moved nervously, sliding his gaze to the faces around him, suddenly uncomfortable.

His hand trembled as he reached out to the center of the circle to grab the bottle, praying to give it the _right_ momentum to land on the _right_ person.

The bottle spinned, spinned and spinned without seeming to ever slow down: everybody held their breath for a few seconds, curiously leaning towards the inside of the circle to be sure not to lose sight of the bottle.

Then, a roar rose, filling the room.

«Tracy!» someone exclaimed.

«It's not fair!» someone else complained.

«Oh, how lucky...»

Gilbert didn't even bother to look at the girl's face to feel disappointed: he looked at Anne with remorseful eyes, slightly furrowed brows, and now hunched and disconsolate shoulders. Everything in his body language screamed “ _I wish it were you, Anne. I wanted to kiss you!_ "

The redhead, on the other hand, seemed to be somewhere else: the glassy and distant gaze, a faint but melancholy smile carved on her face.

Tracy was a chubby girl with thick curly brown hair and an obtrusive orthodontic headgear that divided her face in two: not quite the epithet of the dream girl, especially with her awkward manners and the pimples on her forehead which met the eyebrows melting with them as if they were one.

What's more, it was rumored that she had a real obsession towards Gilbert, attached to photos hanging in the locker and love letters sprinkled with her perfume, ready to be sent.

«I can't believe it, oh my God! I can't» Tracy repeated as she approached Gilbert, who slowly moved towards her, a terrified expression on his face. «I've been waiting for this moment all my life» she continued.

The boy barely managed to give her a hint of a smile: after all, he couldn't be rude, could he?

Although the ones he'd witnessed earlier were all long and passionate kisses, Gilbert promised himself that his would be quick and chaste and luckily, despite Tracy holding him firmly close to her by pulling him by the collar of his shirt with both hands, he managed to keep their tongues away (perhaps only thanks to the girl's tooth brace) and to make that moment last no more than five seconds.

«It was so good, Gilbert» Tracy complimented dreamily. «You're very good at kissing».

«Uh, thanks. You too».

And here Gilbert's first kiss was gone: with Tracy Vandenberg playing spin the bottle... _ugh_.

What brought him back to Earth was the fact that Anne was no longer in the circle: in that exact moment the boy jumped on his feet, announcing among the complaints of the other girls that he had played enough for that evening and immediately began to frantically cross every room of the house hoping to run into the girl, who finally knew to be alone since all her friends were left to play on the veranda.

It took several minutes to find her but when he succeeded, he took a few more moments to gather courage by peering at her from the window: the redhead was in the back garden, lying under the stars with her thick red hair scattered on the soft grass.

_Breathe in. Breath out. Fix your clothes. Fix your hair. Check your breath. Calm down. Go._

He ordered himself before opening the door that led to the garden. He walked slowly, hoping not to say or do anything stupid; then, he cleared his throat catching the attention of the girl who, however, said nothing.

«Uhm... hey» he finally managed to say.

«Hi», she replied, still keeping her gaze fixed on the stars.

The boy felt the panic grow and spread inside his rib cage: «I-I wanted... I wondered... i-if I...» he took a deep breath, hoping to put an end to that pathetic tremor in his voice. «Can I...?»

«Suit yourself» she replied simply.

Gilbert didn't have to repeat it twice and took his seat, lying on the lawn next to her far enough not to be inconvenient but close enough to feel the heat emanating from her body.

For a while they stayed silent, their breaths mingled with the chirping of crickets and the muffled sound of voices and music coming from the house behind them.

The boy's face was pointed at the stars but sidelong observed the face of the redhead caressed by the light of the moon, trying to dig into his head to find a decent topic of conversation.

«You look very beautiful tonight Anne», he thought aloud, before he could stop himself. At those words Anne quickly turned her head towards him, scanning his embarrassed face, but without saying anything.

«Uhm... I-I-I... _t-the stars»_ Gilbert added quickly, hoping it was enough to make her forget what he'd confessed seconds before and that she'd stop studying him now that he was flushed with shame. «The stars tonight are… they are beautiful. I... I used to watch them w-with my dad. I-I know a lot of things… about… a-about the stars…» he stammered pathetically.

Noticing that Anne had kept her gaze on him until that moment, he prayed that at least it was dark enough out there to cover the blush he now felt not only burning on his face, but also on his neck and ear tips.

«Like what?» she whispered enthusiastically, finally turning her gaze to the sky.

«Like... uhm... that uh... that there are over nine thousand stars visible to the human eye in the sky but most people can't see more than 240 due to light pollution». Gilbert noticed how Anne's gaze jumped from star to star at his words, trying to gorge on their beauty, to treasure them, to feel lucky under that generous sky.

«What else?»

«That every star you see is actually bigger and brighter than the sun. Or that the closest star to Earth is called Proxima Centauri and is 4.2 light years away from us. Or that when you look at a star -or any object in space- you actually see how it looked in the past... For example, the Sun appears as it was 8.5 minutes ago» the boy began to list enthusiastically, before realizing that maybe he was boring her. «I'm... sorry».

«Don't apologize, it was interesting. I liked it». At those words Gilbert's heart did a couple of somersaults and a pleasant numbness issued from his stomach. «So is this your vocation? Would you like to do something like astronomy when you grow up?»

«Actually no: this is a passion but... medicine is my vocation. I want to be a doctor».

«A doctor», the redhead repeated. «It suits you».

«Do you already know what you want to become?»

«I still don't know, but the possibilities are endless». He smiled: life really had to have brighter colors seen through Anne's eyes.

In silence, they both looked back at the stars and Gilbert thought of something absurd, perhaps due to the confidence that the girl's last words had given him, perhaps because with his father there among the stars, watching over him, he felt braver.

He threw a couple of furtive glances to the redhead's direction before taking a deep breath, as if he were going to dive under the water and then, squinting hard, he tried to swallow the fear of rejection: " _Please..._ " he whispered, without precisely knowing to whom or what.

He began by moving his arm a few inches towards Anne, then, when he felt he was close enough, he moved the little finger of his right hand, soon meeting the soft back of Anne's hand.

Watching her reactions from the side, Gilbert noticed that Anne had winced at the contact.

He took another big breath, this time shaking because of a series of great emotions that had stuck up his throat and finally moved his hand again, making his intentions clear by now.

«What are you doing?!» snapped Anne, putting her elbows on the ground and getting up high enough to overhang the boy.

«I-I wanted... I... I wanted t-to hold your hand» he confessed in a whisper, only then realizing how pathetic it sounded.

«Hold my hand?! You didn't want to hold my hand!» the red-faced redhead retorted.

«I wanted! Didn't I?» he asked now completely in panic and seeing the dismay on Anne's face, he understood that she was giving him the opportunity to save himself: by denying he would have had a way out of the road of no return of humiliation, Gilbert thought. «Oh! Sure! I-I... no! No: I didn't want to, I-I just...»

«Why did you do it then?!»

«I do not know».

«How can you not know?»

«Uh... there, I... you see... I...» Gilbert knew that Anne could perfectly see the terror in his eyes. «I-I think I just wanted... for a few seconds... I wanted to touch you» he whispered in embarrassment.

«What?!»

«Well... yes! I mean: no, I... No!» he took a few seconds to settle his ideas: could he have screwed everything up like that? «I didn't mean it like... I said it wrong: I wanted t-to feel you, not-»

«Okay, enough!» the girl exclaimed categorically.

«I didn't mean touch you, _touch you_ , j-just-»

«Stop! You already said enough: don't make it worse», she began, regardless of what Gilbert still had to say.

«I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that, I'm… I'm really sorry».

«I better go now», said Anne, more and more flustered.

«No!» the boy stopped her immediately. «It's not fair: you got here first. Besides, I'm the one who acted stupidly. It's only fair that I leave».

Anne looked at him with an indecipherable expression and Gilbert for a moment hoped she would suggest him to stay, but she didn't.

Then Gilbert mortifiedly walked to the door: «Good night, Anne».

He waited a few seconds for her answer, but not seeing it arrive, hesitantly opened the door.

«Night» he barely heard, before closing the door behind him and collapsing against it, sighing disconsolately.

It was unbelievable how he could always screw things up and make them awkward, he thought. Then, he hastily pulled the phone out of his trouser pocket and called his brother: «Hello, Bash?»

«Blythe? Is everything okay?»

«Can you come pick me up?»

«Ohw, you mean... now?» in the background he heard Mary's laughter: he must have interrupted something.

«If it's not a problem. Otherwise I… I can wait».

«Didn't you say Matthew Cuthbert was going to bring you home? Did something happen?»

«No! No, it's all right, just… I'd like to go home now, that's all». Gilbert hoped that his brother wouldn't want to investigate the matter and luckily he seemed to be so pitied by his tone of voice that he decided that he and Mary would leave home immediately.

«Gil! Where the hell were you? I've been looking for you everywhere!» he heard Jerry's enthusiastic voice getting closer and tried to wipe out any clue from his face as to what had happened. «I want to tell you everything, you- Gil?»

«Can't wait» he tried to say.

«Is everything alright?» Jerry asked, worried: since his father had died, his sense of protection towards his friend was ten times as much as before.

«Yes, I'm just tired», he confessed.

«Sure, okay. I tell Anne and call Matthew: he will come immediately to-»

«No!» he said quickly. «Sorry, I... Bash called me, he's already on his way».

Jerry studied his friend's face for a few seconds: «Sure, don't worry. Can I stay with you while you wait?»

«Sure».

Jerry tried to cheer his friend up without being too intrusive in those short ten minutes of waiting, but nothing seemed to work. He decided that he would not insist and that if he wanted to talk about it in the following days, he would.

Several days had to pass before Gilbert stopped feeling embarrassed just enough to be able to resist a few minutes in the same room with Anne without panicking from the memory of that evening.

Only two weeks later, in fact, Jerry had managed to convince him to join him home with the promise of an unforgettable afternoon and a brand new PlayStation game, still fresh on the market.

At first, honestly, Gilbert had only accepted because he knew that in such a situation Jerry would hardly find the time or valid motivation to leave his room: for this reason, he thought, it would be difficult to run into his sister.

«Easy, Blythe! Go easy on that accelerator» Sebastian said, one hand firmly on the inside handle of the car and the other on the dashboard.

«Going slower means that I should turn off the car!» countered the dark-haired boy.

It had been a couple of months now that Bash took Gilbert driving with his car to teach him how to, but every day he seemed more and more terrified.

«You're going too fast, I warn you!»

«But it's not true! And stop screaming, it gets me nervous» he snapped, as he took his foot off the clutch so abruptly that the car died.

«I've told you a thousand times that you have to be gentler with that foot!»

«Can you please stop screaming?!»

«I'm not screaming!»

«Yes, you are!»

They continued to argue until the end of the drive, when Gilbert finally parked in front of Green Gables.

«I'll never get my driver's license» the boy sighed.

«You'll get it, you just have to… keep practicing», his brother assured him. «Another month or so and you will see that you will be able to drive very well, I promise you».

Gilbert nodded, trying to convince himself that he was right, then greeted his brother and rang the front door.

He took a deep breath: he knew he was being pathetic and childish, but the more he thought about how ridiculous he had been, the more he wished he could disappear into a black hole and never return.

«Gil!» Jerry welcomed him. «Finally back in the world of the living» teased him, alluding to how since he left the Johnson party that night he had never set foot outside the house except to go to school.

Gilbert dismissed the matter with a laugh, hoping to get to his friend's room soon.

But, as usual, things did not go as hoped.

«Marilla made some plum pluffs just for you, follow me», he informed him as he headed for the kitchen.

«Thanks but... uh, there was no need and I'm not very hungry, so if you-»

«You don't understand: Marilla kills us both if you don't eat at least three» he interrupted him.

Gilbert sighed in concern: he had no choice. He just had to pray.

«Gilbert! Oh, what a pleasure to see you!» Marilla rejoiced going to hug him. Only after he had moved away from the woman he saw some red hair beside the sink.

«To me too, Miss Cuthbert», he said with a smile. « _Anne_...» he added in a whisper, looking down at his toes as his cheeks blushed.

«You've lost weight these days, young man! Here, here: eat» the woman ordered, ignoring the laughter of her two children. «And tell me, how is Sebastian? And Mary?»

«They are fine. Very well, actually» he said, biting the delicious dessert. «Mary hasn't moved in yet because they both refuse to cause any more changes into my life right now, fearing that I might not be able to bear it, when in fact I have tried very hard to explain them that I would be more than happy», he admitted.

Marilla smiled affably as a dense atmosphere had created in the room.

«Sebastian told me he's helping you get your driver's license» she changed the topic, making everyone breathe a sigh of relief.

«Uh, yes we… I'm trying. I also… uh… I started working».

The truth was that he had already talked several times about his work when Anne was close enough to hear it, hoping for any validation on her part: a question about it, a word, an interested look. Until that moment, however, he had only obtained total indifference.

«I work downtown, at Honeyheat» he glanced in the direction of the redhead: «It's really good! I-I assure you! We have everything: sweet, salty, hot or cold drinks… I-I… I recommend it».

«Take an example form your friend, Jerry: you could find a job too, you know?» suggested the mother.

«They would fire him right away, anyways» his sister retorted, smiling.

«And why so?» the brother inquired.

«No offence, but I don't think you can take anything seriously right now... you can be a little childish, that's it».

Jerry was clearly annoyed at his sister words. «Well, it takes a childish one to recognize another, mh?»

«What do you mean?» she asked, now crossing her arms. «I'm not childish, Jerry».

«You are, Anne. Don't act like you're perfect».

«I'm not saying I am perfect but being childish sure isn't one of my multiple defects».

When her brother let escape a sarcastic sound from his throat, she was already fuming with anger.

«Stop bickering, you two!» their mother called them back.

«Let's see then, why should I be considered childish?» she asked, ignoring Marilla's concern.

«Do I have to mention the Greek tragedy you put on a week ago just because you haven't kissed anyone yet? You cried for days!»

«It was a private conversation with Marilla, you idiot eavesdropper!!» she yelled, while her eyes became teary.

« _I want to be kissed!! Why all my friends have been kissed but me? Am I so ugly? I will die alone!_ » her brother mocked her, trying to imitate her voice.

Anne then ran away from the kitchen ignoring her mother's invitation to stay, clearly too proud to let anyone see she was crying.

«Jerry Baynard-Cuthbert!» Marilla thundered in such an authoritative tone as to terrify even Gilbert, who was nothing more than a spectator of all that commotion. «Enjoy this afternoon with Gilbert now that he's here, because as soon as he leaves, you're grounded!»

«But, Marilla! I didn't say anything that wasn't true! And plus, she asked for it». At that point his mother glared at him.

«You know how insecure your sister is and how much the pressures her friends are putting on her are affecting her! Your words must have made her feel judged» the woman snapped. «Especially when told in front of Gilbert!»

The boy felt himself flush and wished he could disappear, when suddenly an idea came to mind.

A stupid, idiotic, pathetic, childish and desperate idea.

«Oh, come on, what does it matter if Gil was here? He is like family! I'll tell you what: she's ashamed of herself for having given so much importance to this nonsense» he answered firmly. «Besides, she's too young to think about these things already».

Gilbert blushed even more if possible, realizing for the umpteenth time how protective Jerry really was towards his sister.

«You didn't have to talk to her like that anyway, knowing it's a sore point: you have to apologize to her», the mother decided.

Jerry rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed: «Okay, I will...»

Then the two boys went to the room to spend the afternoon as scheduled even though both of them had their heads somewhere else and neither bothered to hide it.

After a little more than two hours, Gilbert could no longer wait: «I have to go home, Jerry. Call me if the punishment gets too boring».

The friend nodded disconsolately. «I'll take you to the entrance» he said, getting onto his feet.

«Uh, no! There is no need, actually... I needed to go to the bathroom first and also... what formalities are these, my friend?» he said trying to convince him with a nervous laugh.

«You're right. Well in this case: see you. Take care, Gil».

Once in the hall, Gilbert felt his heart begin to beat faster, peaking when he stood in front of the redhead's bedroom door.

He swallowed hard before knocking gently, bringing his ear closer and closer to the door as the seconds passed without an answer.

Then, the door suddenly swung open, making the boy jump and revealing the girl's condition: her swollen and red eyes were still wet, a sign that she was crying until a few seconds before. The tip of her nose was also red and Gilbert sensed from the handkerchief she was holding that she must have rubbed it several times while blowing it. What's more, her hair was pulled back into a messy bun.

He wanted to wrap her in his arms now more than ever.

«What do you want? Are you here to make fun of me too? To mock me? Or do you and Jerry just want to play one of your usual stupid pranks on me?» she attacked him in a nasal voice.

«No, no! Although… Actually… I-I wanted to talk to you about what Jerry said».

«Sorry but I'm not really in the mood, Gilbert», she said, before closing the door right on the boy's face, who didn't give up.

He knocked again.

This time, Anne opened it almost immediately, snorting and rolling her eyes.

«P-please! I... I-I swear I'd just talk about it for a second and then I'll leave if you want me to. I swear».

After a few moments of hesitation, Anne let him in and invited him to sit on the bed next to her, ignoring the effect that that small gesture had had on the boy.

«You're sad because you haven't given your first kiss yet, right?»

«Exactly», whispered the redhead. «I'm the only loser among my friends who hasn't given it and doesn't know if I'll ever give it. What did I expect? I'm a freak…» she muttered.

Gilbert knew that Anne wasn't saying it out of self-pity, but that she really meant it and that made him infinitely sad.

«Don't think such things, Anne: they are absolutely not true», he tried to convince her. «Your friends shouldn't make you feel less just because they have had this experience and you haven't».

«My friends have nothing to do with this, they-»

«I just mean that... well, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Or with the fact you haven't kissed anyone yet».

Anne didn't answer, and Gilbert decided he would let it go, at least for the moment.

They were silent for a while, just long enough for Gilbert to muster the necessary courage: «Anyway I... uhm... if this thing really makes you, uh... t-torments you, we... could... I mean only and exclusively if you want and you're totally convinced… you see, w-w-we could, uhm… how to say…» Gilbert took a deep breath and then, without looking directly into her face, he blurted it out: «W-we could kiss. T-the... the two of us».

After what seemed an eternity without an answer, Gilbert looked up to meet Anne's red face.

«B-because you see... me too, uh... I've never kissed anyone too and my friends tease me a lot for this just like it happened to you, so I thought we... could help each other b-but if you don't want to, it's fine, just... an idea. Yes, just an idea. Although I, uhm… I think it's a pretty smart move-»

«You have to be kidding me!» she suddenly blurted out. «It's not true that you have never given a kiss: the rumors circulating at school speak for themselves and even Kate says she kissed you! Plus, I recall I witnessed the kiss between you and Tracy that night».

Gilbert blushed: «No! I... I've never kissed anyone Anne, it's just rumors! And with Kate? I hardly speak to her! Besides, the one between me and Tracy wasn't a real kiss, we… it lasted too little for it to be considered a kiss». He tried to convince her, even though he was aware that the kiss with Tracy was totally valid. «Anyway, I know it's none of my business, but I really think you better get away from those girls: they're liars».

«They are the only friends I have, Gilbert!» she retorted with teary eyes. «I have no one but them».

«That's not true, Anne! You have me: I am your friend».

«We are not friends, Gilbert», she whispered back.

«M-maybe you don't consider me your friend, but... I definitely do».

«And why on earth?» she asked, this time only curiosity in her voice.

«Because... you see... because I care deeply about you», he confessed. «Even if it's not mutual, I can't help it», he continued, actually alluding to something more than friendship.

«Fine, then».

His jaw dropped at those words, incredulous that he had truly succeeded in his insane intent.

«Y-yes? Did you… did you say yes?» he asked in dismay, thinking he had misunderstood.

«But nobody has to know: Jerry, my friends, your friends... nobody!»

Gilbert nodded vigorously. He would have accepted under any conditions.

«Good».

The boy's palms suddenly became wet and his body trembled. He spent a good handful of seconds rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand, trying to stabilize his breathing. Then, he began to approach, feeling his heart in his throat: he could not believe it.

«What are you doing?» the girl asked.

«I… we… I-I was getting closer. To, uh... kiss you?»

«Oh, not like that! Not after an afternoon spent crying and looking like this» she gestured at herself.

«But you are beautiful even so, Anne!»

«Not romantic enough, Gilbert! I would like to remember my first kiss forever and I would, at least, like to wear something other than my pajamas», she explained.

«I see. Yes, yes: you are totally right» he agreed. «What about tomorrow?»

«I think we should wait a few days».

«D-days?»

«Maybe a week».

«Week?!» Gilbert was sure he didn't have the strength to wait so long.

«Next Thursday, after school, Jerry should go fishing with Matthew: you could come that day so that Jerry doesn't see us».

«Next Thursday is great! Y-yes».

«Well then: next Thursday we will kiss».

«We'll kiss, yes», he repeated.

«Just to help each other, not for anything else», Anne pointed out, with a slight pink on her cheeks.

«Sure! T-to help us: nothing else. Not because we want, right?»

«Right!»

«Yeah».

«Uh, perfect, then. See you, Gilbert», Anne said walking him to the door.

«See you», Gilbert greeted. «Wait!» he called her back before she closed the door. «How about... uh... i-if you... uhm-» he swallowed loudly, before continuing: «If you gave me your phone number? Or I'll leave you mine! J-just to, uh... to hear from us sometimes. To make an agreement for Thursday?» once again, Gilbert was torturing the back of his neck with his hand.

«I don't think it's necessary», she mumbled, red-faced.

«Maybe uh... some unexpected problem?» he tried.

«We could talk about it at school, if there was any, right?»

«Uh, yeah. Yes. Sure, we could», he agreed before turning to the door. But, once again, he didn't give up: «B-But it would be faster with the phone, wouldn't it?»

«Well, yes, that's true but-»

«I don't want to sound insistent, Anne is just that… maybe… maybe even after we… or before! Or before we kiss. I mean, m-maybe we could hear each other? I could write to you if you want. Every now and then?»

Anne watched him confused as he spoke to her avoiding her gaze and totally flustered: the boy was so nervous that he had begun to sweat cold and his lips were trembling slightly, while his eyebrows almost touched each other in that both hopeful and terrified expression.

«I-I may... I don't know, uh... ask you how did school go or what do you like to do or... if maybe sometime... uh... m-maybe you would like to eat something together or... I could send you the good morning? I-if you want, of course. And goodnight. Always if you want? We could get to know each other better... Or you could ask me something! I would answer everything! L-literally! If you want, I mean».

Anne seemed to have seen a ghost: motionless and staring somewhere. The only difference with seeing a ghost was that instead of being white like a sheet, she was red like a tomato.

«Ohw, uhm...»

As he waited for an answer, Gilbert felt his stomach twist, burn, rip in two and then come together.

«For the moment I'd say we can get by without it, Gilbert. If things get complicated we will exchange the phone number, okay?»

The boy nodded, defeated, before greeting the girl and leaving. That little disappointment, however, was completely forgotten once outside the Cuthbert house: in nine days Anne's lips would no longer be just a dream.

The days preceding the meeting with Anne seemed to last a lifetime, Gilbert thought.

Yet, somehow, he had managed to survive the wait and so he found himself, as planned, in front of Green Gables with an irrepressible joy in his heart and a bouquet of colorful flowers (paid with the extra tips from work), tightly between his hands.

He didn't sleep the previous nights, fantasizing about what would happen and gradually gathering the courage to decide that after the kiss he would confess his feelings.

Anne had left the back door open so the boy could enter without being noticed by Marilla, who would surely ask too many questions. Then, for the last time, he adjusted the shirt he was wearing and that had caused him an interrogation by his brother and finally knocked at her door.

«Hi, Anne», he sighed in relief to see that it was all real. «These are for you», he said, handing her the bouquet.

«Thanks, Gilbert... they're beautiful», she replied in a faint voice.

«You too» he confessed. «Beautiful. As always».

«I'm not convinced we're doing the right thing» she snapped quickly, causing him to froze.

«W-why not?» Gilbert lost a heartbeat and his throat went suddenly dry: «Is it because that isn't romantic enough? I-I can fix it, if you let me! Can we go to the beach if you want? Or I can take you to the lake and wait for the sunset! If you don't want to take the bus we can wait for me to get my driving license, it's a matter of a few weeks, I swear! I-indeed, I'll try harder: I'll take it in a few days, and we can go wherever-»

«That's not it, Gilbert» she stopped him. «Sit down», she offered, seeing him clearly agitated. He obeyed, his head spinning.

«I've thought about it a lot and I think it wouldn't be right for either of us... we should give our first kiss to someone we really like, who makes our hearts beat faster».

_Oh, if only you knew, Anne._

«B-but-» he tried to object, eyes shining.

«When you'll find a girl who makes your eyes sparkle and fills your heart with joy… it's her you should kiss, not me. Do you understand what I mean?»

«I do but... what if... w-what if I already feel these things? For... someone?» He mumbled in a faint voice: this was not how he expected to declare himself.

«Then you shouldn't kiss me!» she told him softly. «I know what it means to be teased about this but I have come to the conclusion that we shouldn't be influenced to the point of affecting something like this», she said confidently. «We shouldn't kiss anyone unless driven by love and only by love».

«And... you're not?» he asked hopefully. «Not even... a little?»

Anne flushed: «Oh, no! Don't worry about me: I don't like you at all».

«Ohw. A-at all?»

«At all».

«Uh, good...»

«Also, Kate told me that you often look at her with eyes full of romance».

«Kate?» he asked confused, no longer able to formulate a meaningful thought. «That's not the case, Anne! Kate? I-I've never-»

«Please, Gilbert. You don't have to explain anything».

«I swear to you I don't care about Kate! I never cared! I swear!»

«I won't tell her anything if that's what you mean».

«No! No, what I mean is… it's not her I'm in love with, Anne…» he confessed, blushing incontrollably. He swore she understood what he meant, because she too blushed considerably at those words.

«Well, whoever you look at with love, it's not me. And the feeling is mutal».

The boy nodded slowly, trying to breathe again: was she rejecting him? Did she understand that she was the girl he was talking about?

«I respect your choice, Anne» he defeatly managed to say. «I'm happy you're not bothered about your first kiss anymore and comfortable with yourself».

«Thanks» she said, barely audible. «I'm a little tired now, sorry Gilbert», she said, meaning it was time for him to leave. «Take back the flowers if you want».

He shook his head: «I took them for you. _Thinking of you_ : keep them, please».

She thanked him again and the boy left, walking slowly and fighting the tears he felt pressing on his eyes.

_I only love you, Anne._

The days seemed to pass in a second and so, in a heartbeat, the streets of Avonlea were covered with snow, the houses sported colored lights and wreaths of holly were hung from the entrance doors while there was an air of celebration: December had arrived.

Gilbert had always loved Christmas: it was, by far, his favorite holiday. That year, however, was terribly different from the others and the boy didn't seem to feel the magic of that period going through his heart as it used to happen.

Not only would it be the first Christmas without his father by his side (every year with a new, ugly, flashy themed sweater): there would be no more milk and cookies to share with him on Christmas Eve or the usual "Home Alone” on TV to watch together while reciting the lines learned by heart nor the thought of what to give him to see him smile gratefully on Christmas morning.

Gilbert was afraid that Christmas would no longer be Christmas for him. Never again.

To make matters worse, the fact that that year the school had organized a ball to inaugurate the holidays: he would go with Anne or he wouldn't go at all, he decided.

The only problem? Since that day at Green Gables, Gilbert couldn't stop thinking about their discussion and couldn't figure out if Anne had understood what he meant and so, she had rejected him, or simply had misunderstood his intentions.

The proof to end his torment would have been asking her to prom: if she said yes, she had probably misanderstood and he could have had a chance with her, rather she would just confirm her rejection and destroy, once for all, the boy's heart.

He didn't feel, in that moment, capable to bear such an heartbreaking delusion and so he let his fear stop him from approaching the girl or, especially, asking her to prom.

So the days passed and even if it required a lot of effort from both Bash and Jerry, they managed to convince the boy to attend the event: he told them he hadn't had the opportunity to invite the girl he wanted and so he saw no point in attending.

While Bash exaclty knew who this gilr was, Jerry almost felt betrayed in discovering his bestfriend had finally laid his eyes on a gilr without telling him, but dismissed it when he assured him he wasn't really interested in anyone, but rather using that as an excuse to "skip something so boring such as prom".

So he bought a an elegant dress, fixed his hair and drove him, Jerry and his date Zoey to prom: at least he could have used his brand new driving license.

«Don't worry man, even if you don't have a date, it's not the end of the world, you know? And we won't leave you alone to get depressed, we'll spend the evening together» reassured Jerry.

«Yeah, and if the girl you wanted to ask is here too, you still can ask her, you know? It's never too late» Zoey added with a smile.

It was a pity that she just was another of Jerry's catch, because she was really nice and sweet. A little too sweet, maybe, for someone like Jerry.

By the time they entered, the room was crowded with teenagers squirming to the beat of the music and they couldn't help but notice that, apart from some sad decoration scattered around the room and a table full of jugs of punch and various drinks, the gym was exactly like every other day.

Gilbert tried to glimpse red hair somewhere, but saw no sign of it for the first forty minutes, where in the meantime they had been joined by the other boys and their dates. He even managed to have fun dancing on the floor with his friends and laughing at Moody's dance moves.

But then, he saw her: she was dancing with her group of friends, carefree and smiling, standing out among all the other girls for beauty and elegance. She wore a green velvet dress with a simple cut that reached her feet and enveloped the soft curves that had been defining themselves for a year now, while her semi-gathered hair fell over her shoulders like a cascade of ringlets of fire.

Gilbert could not help but gape at her: she was a dream that Gilbert hoped would come true.

«Are you all right, bud? Why did you stop dancing?» Moody asked, making him blush.

 _I was too busy admiring the most beautiful girl in the universe_ , he wanted to answer, but then he saw her apologize to her friends and approach the drinks table.

«Uh, 'cause… I'm thirsty! Because I'm thirsty so I'm going to get something to drink, do you want anything?» he asked quickly and hardly waited for his friends to answer before rushing to Anne, fearing that she would go away before he could reach her.

He awkwardly managed to make his way through the crowd, tripping over his feet a couple of times and someone else's feet a couple more times, but eventually he caught up with her: «Good evening, Anne» he said albeit with his heart in his throat.

When she turned, Gilbert couldn't help but think that up close she was even more beautiful.

«Oh, hello Gilbert» she smiled and for a moment the boy thought he saw her blush.

«You look beautiful tonight. Wonderful. T-there are no words, actually». This time the girl blushed, no doubt.

«You're fine too» she whispered. «See you around then», she said before turning to the dance floor.

«W-wait, Anne!» he called her back, not quite sure he had the courage to say out loud the words in his mind. But he had to: he had been a coward for too long. «Well, I've been wanting to ask you this for a long time, a-actually, it's just that I was scared so I kept putting it off and putting it off and then I realized I didn't have the courage to ask and I let it go and thought I didn't have time anymore so I didn't want to come to this prom anymore but Bash told me it was going to be stupid and Jerry insisted and then I thought you were gonna be beautiful and I didn't want to miss it so I decided to come, and then Zoey said something and I've been thinking about it all evening and if I don't ask you I'll regret it forever so I... even if I know it's awfully late to ask this... I-I wanted... Anne, would you like to go to prom with me?» he said in one breath, never taking his eyes off the girl's face, hoping to see some sign of abating in her face.

Anne was completely crimson and for the first time in her life, perhaps, speechless.

«That's nice of you, Gilbert, it's just that… you see I came as a group with my friends and since Jennifer broke up recently we promised her we'd come to the prom alone. And then... there is ... there is also Kate, you know... and all the others, of course! Except… I can't».

Gilbert felt his heart crumble and the pieces shatter as well: _she is clearly rejecting me_.

«Ohw… Uhm… Sure, sure, I… I understand. Uh... I-I'm sorry if I embarrassed you it was just... I was hoping... nevermind. I wish you a good evening, Anne» he said and before the urge to cry got too strong he managed to get away.

He would gladly go home to let off steam in peace, but he had promised Jerry that he would take him home and he had to be: so he sat in the stands at the back of the gym with six other guys with unknown faces and decided that he would spend the evening waiting for the party to end.

A couple of hours passed and Gilbert did not seem to have recovered from the disappointment in the least. On the contrary, sitting disconsolately on those stands he did nothing but look at Anne and feel that he had ruined everything.

Then, he watched his friends have fun and Jerry disappear somewhere with Zoey: for the first time, he felt envious of him.

«Sorry, are you Gilbert Blythe? The one who plays hockey?» he heard people ask behind him.

«Uh, yeah. Yes I am».

«How is it that you are here with us losers from the chess and audio-video clubs?»

Gilbert sighed: «Playing hockey isn't enough for girls to fall at your feet, I guess». _Not the right ones, at least._

«Do you want to see the fungus on my foot?» he asked after a few seconds of silence.

Gilbert looked at him in disgust: «No, thanks. Maybe another time».

The boy said nothing more and Gilbert decided to spend time on Instagram: _all photos of this stupid dance. All photos of couples. Ugh_. It took him a few minutes to get bored, then he blocked the phone and was pleased to see that the evening was about to end.

Then he looked up and felt himself flush.

«Hey».

Gilbert looked over his shoulder, seeing the boy he had talked to earlier with a finger in his nose and thick crooked glasses. She couldn't talk to him, right?

«Gilbert?» At that, the boy jumped onto his feet.

«Hello! Anne! I... Hi!»

From the speakers came the sound of a guitar and immediately afterwards maracas were added.

«Do you want to dance?»

«W-with you? You... mean... us two?»

He must have sounded desperate to ask, so much so that Anne couldn't hold back a laugh before nodding.

Gilbert didn't have to repeat it twice and jumped onto his feet, eyes wide and heart beating so hard it made him dizzy.

The voices of The Cristals in "Then he kissed me" now resounded throughout the hall as the two approached the dance floor, then, Anne placed her hands on his shoulders.

Gilbert moved hesitantly, not sure that he was allowed to put his hands on her hips and the girl seemed to understand this, because she took his hands in hers and placed them gently.

«Sorry, I-I'm sorry... my hands...» he stammered, alluding to the fact that they were sweaty from agitation.

«No problem», she assured him.

He nodded, still paralyzed by the events of the last minute but seeing Anne so carefree and smiling he began to melt and soon they found themselves dancing and smiling together on the chorus of the song.

She spun, making them both laugh and it looked like all they did in life was this: being together, enjoying each other company, getting lost in one another.

Suddenly, they found themselves incredibly close and the song that echoed around them seemed to speak directly to their souls, suggesting their next steps.

_♫ I felt so happy I almost cried. And then he kissed me ♫_

Gilbert's gaze fell from the girl's magnetic eyes to her lips, so longed for and so close at that moment.

The boy looked up for the last time on the redhead's eyes before finally placing them on her parted lips and swore he saw a spark in them: he knew that whatever was happening, there were two to feel it.

They both stopped dancing, too engaged in another kind of dance: that of their hearts beating together. The air charged with electricity and Gilbert felt his hands getting more firmly on the girl's hips before he even realized it.

_♫ Then he asked me to be his bride. And always be right by his side. I felt so happy I almost cried ♫_

Their breaths became shorter and more frequent then, Gilbert leaned in: very slowly, as you do when you meet a wild animal in a wood and you don't want to scare it.

Incredibly, Anne started to lean in too, until their lips were only inches apart.

He felt the butterflies grow in his stomach little by little and there seemed to be millions of them. So many that he almost felt his feet come off the ground to fly with them.

_♫ And then he kissed me ♫_

Even closer.

_♫ And then he kissed me ♫_

Eyes closing.

_♫ And then he kissed me ♫_

Their breaths blur.

_♫ And then he kissed me ♫_

Lips brushing.

«GIL!» Jerry jumped on him, popping up behind him and ruining the most magical moment of his life. «I have to tell you absolutely everything!!»

Gilbert didn't understand a single word of what he said: he didn't know if he was going to have a panic attack, kill Jerry or just start crying.

When he saw Anne running out of the gym, he thought of all three at once.

«No! No, no, no! Please!» he tried to call her back: he had to follow her.

«Gil? What the heck is going on?»

«Jerry I… ugh! Couldn't you… _wait_?! I…» he couldn't find the words and frankly he didn't even care wasting time looking for them. «I have something to do, see you later». Then, he ran.

He ran like never before: fast, desperate, without feeling any fatigue.

«Anne?» Nothing. «Anne!» Still nothing. «Anne, please! Anne!»

He found her a little over a minute later, in the middle of the corridor leading to the biology lab.

«Anne...» he whispered, the tremor in his voice typical of someone who is about to cry.

«Gilbert, you better go back to your friends».

«B-but... we... the two of us- I-I thought that... I thought we... we could finish what we were doing before Jerry... you know-»

«The song is over Gilbert, we're done dancing», she said in a tone that didn't seem to belong to her.

«I-actually I didn't mean the dancing. We, uh... were about to kiss, Anne: as you said that day! It wasn't planned it was just… happening. B-because we both want it, right? A-at least, I wanted it. K-kiss you. Anne, please...»

«It wouldn't have happened anyway Gilbert! Besides, you don't really want to kiss me-»

«Yes, Anne, I-I do! For a long time! I always wanted to kiss you, I was just-»

«No! Stop!» she cut him off abruptly. «You want to kiss someone, not me. You just got carried away by the moment and so did I».

«No, you have to believe me! You must have felt it too, Anne. Please tell me that you feel butterflies in you stomach or that at least you have felt them before!» he pleaded as a tear streamed down his face. «Please Anne… please kiss me».

«I have to go Gilbert: goodnight», she whispered, before starting to run again.

The boy was paralyzed in the middle of that corridor as the pain consumed him from within and he felt his legs becoming too weak to support him.

Those sensations, he had felt them: he still was. And he was sure that, even for just a moment, it had been the same for Anne.

Then, suddenly, the butterflies in his stomach seemed to rebel, to struggle to get out somehow: he ran quickly to one of the bathrooms, collapsed on the ground and even before realizing what was happening, he vomited his butterflies, hope and heart.

«Please, Anne...» he whispered through tears. «Please...»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long absence but I was in the middle of my university's exams!  
> I hope this chapter wasn't too long? My fear is to bore you all to death so please let me know in the comments your thoughts\suggestions because your comments are everything to me!! :)


	5. Year Three - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please, date me.

Anne was standing in front of him: beautiful, imposing, sensual.

She decided to show off her thin black lace underwear, straddling the boy, who adoringly watched her every slightest movement.

Without even realizing it, he felt his tongue stick out from his mouth just enough to moisten his lips, eager to kiss and be kissed.

Before closing his eyes and completely abandoning himself to her care, he watched as she slowly lifted his shirt, brushing the toned abs with her delicate fingertips and then switched, with that same delicacy, to his boxers: within a few seconds, he was naked and vulnerable under the burning touch of his goddess.

At that point Gilbert dropped slowly onto the bed, throwing his head back as a heavy sigh released his parted lips and his breathing began to accelerate.

«Oh, Anne...» he groaned.

He felt her hands caress his neck, then his chest and descend until they reached his penis. He put a hand to his mouth, hoping that his short but frequent jerks were quiet enough.

«God...» he whispered in a broken voice. His breathing got faster; suddently he was covered in a thin veil of sweat and a rampant fire devoured him from within.

The sound of her gentle but desperate moans was enough for the boy to permanently lose control: with rationality long since forgotten, the boy was now a slave to that moment.

«Anne...»

The movements became faster, one hand moving along his length, the other teasing his turgid nipples mischievously. How he wished he could touch her, explore her...

With those breasts that have recently blossomed but are already full and inviting, with those freckles that he wanted to kiss one by one, her soft and fragrant hair, her sweet lips… the desire consumed him to the point of driving him mad.

His breathing became erratic and he felt like a firework burst in his lower belly: he was close, very close.

«Fuck».

He focused on her lips: those desired and forbidden lips that tormented his days and nights without exception, without respite, continuously.

The breathing became faster, the sensations amplified as the awareness of being close to the peak projected him into a new dimension made to measure for him and the redhead, their lips tasting, hands exploring and bodies merging.

«I'm about to come» he whispered, trembling. «Kiss me, Anne» he pleaded. «P-please».

Once again, her moans reached his ears.

«Mmh, Anne...»

«Hey Blythe, we need to talk about Thursday night and-» Bash paused in mid sentence, eyes wide, mouth open and body frozen in the middle of the room.

«Shit» muttered the red-faced boy as he tried to cover his genitals, his fantasy journeys brutally interrupted.

«Oh my God!» was all Sebastian could say, still standing in the middle of the room, his eyes struggling to register what was happening.

«Go away, Bash!» the boy ordered, feeling more embarrassed at every passing second. When he then placed his mortified gaze on his brother's face, to discover that he was staring at his computer screen, he felt dying: «GET OUT!» he sentenced abruptly closing the PC that showed on the screen a photo of Anne in a particularly low-cut top while in the background an audio of female moans was playing, carefully chosen according to the similarity with the voice of the redhead.

Finally out of that trance, Bash shook his head and quickly closed the door behind him, mumbling apologetically how he hadn't meant to interrupt him in such an intimate moment.

Once alone, Gilbert fought at the same time with his underwear and the computer audio, which seemed to laugh at him more and more with each groan. «Fuck, fuck, fuck!» he hissed.

«Blythe you have to believe me! I'm sorry!»

«I've told you a thousand times that you have to knock!» he growled, his face burning with shame.

«You're right. Seriously: you're completely right» he agreed. «Can I enter now? I've seen nothing I don't have myself».

Gilbert sat down on the bed, red and with his hands in his hair: he wanted to disappear.

Not hearing an answer, the brother knocked: «See? I learned. Come on, let me in now, you don't have to be so ashamed of me, little brother. I'm sorry».

«Fine...» Gilbert snorted: «Come in...»

As displeased as Bash claimed to be, the sly smile he'd put on his face suggested otherwise.

When he then sat down beside his brother, pinning his head with one arm for a vigorous head wash, there was no longer any doubt: «So… Anne? Mh?» he teased him, looking amused as how his brother was avoiding his gaze and how he had begun to rub the back of his neck with his right hand: typical of when he was nervous.

«D-don't tell anyone, okay?» he whispered. «Please».

Bash shook his head, trying to stifle a laugh: «Only if you admit that I've always been right to say you lost your mind over her».

Gilbert thought for a moment about the conditions his brother was placing on him and decided he had nothing more to lose: «You were right».

The brother looked at him again, urging him to continue.

«All right! I-I... You were always right, Bash. I've lost my mind over Anne from day one. Happy?»

«A lot» he smiled, without giving the slightest hint to leave.

«So?» the boy urged him nervously.

«So... don't you tell me anything else? For example... Do you two speak often? Have you already asked her out? I mean... what's the situation like?»

Gilbert felt pain in his stomach at his brother's words: «Good! W-we talk… _every now and then_. We're friends and… uhm… she doesn't know I like her yet but I, uh… I want to tell her. I am just waiting for the right opportunity. _More or less»_ he lied as his cheeks turned redder at each word, betraying him.

Sebastian learned long ago his brother didn't know how to lie, and that attempt was just the umpteenth proof. He decided, however, not to torment the boy any fruther.

«I'm happy for you» he smiled, getting out of bed and heading for the door. «But trust me, brother: ask her out».

« _Ask her out_ » he repeated.

«Exactly».

«On a date?» his Adam's apple bouncing as he swallowed hard at the mere thought.

«Trust me» he winked, closing the door behind him.

«Wait up!» he called him back quickly, the question that had tormented him for a long time on his lips. «Is it... weird?» Gilbert asked out of nowhere, seeing his brother peeking out again to give him a confused look. «A-Anne's pictures» he clarified. «I often look at her pictures when... you know... or-or I think of her, that's it» he sighed. «Is it weird? Am I some kind of... pervert? Because every time, I uh... _finish_... I-I feel guilty. I know I shouldn't think about her or look at her pictures it's just that… _Oh fuck, I'm a pervert, am I?_ »

«You're not a pervert and you're not weird, Blythe. Not too much at least» Sebastian chuckled. «I'll tell you what you are: _a moke_. You like her a lot and hormones at your age are crazy. I can't tell you if it's right or wrong, but as long as you just keep certain thoughts in your head without hurting anyone, then I tell you it's not the end of the world».

Gilbert nodded, trying to digest those words.

«Ask her out!» he heard his brother say again as he closed the door behind him.

_Ask her on a date... how?!_

The truth was that things with Anne were… how to say… _worse than ever?_ The next morning, at school, he had yet another proof of it.

«Next Friday I want to kick those idiots' asses».

«I swear that if this time the referee doesn't admonish their dirty play...»

«I have to review the side grips».

«The Charlottetown team is strong, but their defense is not that great» Gilbert managed to reassure his teammates, although his attention was turned a few meters away where Anne, leaning against the lockers, was chatting with her friends. «I'm not saying we should underestimate them, but don't panic».

As Jerry and Kyle nodded and began to argue in support of what he had just said, Paul looked at him straight in the eyes with a knowing smile he wore mockingly.

Gilbert just lowered his gaze, the impression that he was the cause of the amusement in his friend's eyes.

«Yeah! Last year they hardly beated us and we have improved incredibly in the last few months».

«And if we win, party at Thomas' house!» Jerry laughed with his eyes sparkling.

«Had anyone mentioned parties?» Moody suddenly appeared, behind Gilbert and Jerry. «Because in that case: I'm in» he concluded, making everyone laugh.

«Yours is an obsession» Kyle joked.

«More of a passion» he corrected him, earning the approval of Jerry and Paul.

The dark-haired boy's gaze returned pleading and desperate to the redhead, who seemed particularly absorbed in the words of a friend: she was beautiful. She wore a blue sweater that lit up her complexion and white jeans rolled up just above the ankles, while her fiery red hair was gathered in the usual two precise braids.

She and Gilbert hadn't talked to each other in weeks -two months, to be precise. Since prom night. To begin with, the boy was so ashamed of himself because of how things had gone from that night, that he could only manage to look at her from a distance, stealthily while hoping that she would not notice him, fearing to make himself more ridiculous than what he had already done.

When, on the other hand, his shame seemed to be put aside -but definitely not overcome- and he had tried to get close enough to exchange a few words, it was Anne who began to avoid him: in one way or another, she always managed to find a way to run away.

«By the way, we are all at yours on Thursday, Gil, aren't we?»

«Mh? Oh, uh… yeah, sure» he nodded, clearing his throat. Paul looked at him with the same smile as before and this time Gilbert felt his cheeks pinch.

Mary and Bash had decided with great joy and trepidation to organize a party at the Blythe-Lacroix home to celebrate Mary's pregnancy by inviting a few family members and closest friends. The couple seemed to be on cloud nine just thinking about it and, to be honest, even the boy couldn't wait to become an uncle. Celebrating was just a way to sweeten the wait and give vent to so much joy.

«Are you sure we should come? Isn't that like... family stuff?»

«No, Bash and Mary are glad my friends will be there too. You don't have to worry».

Suddenly, Anne looked up, immediately meeting the eyes of the boy who felt the palms of his hands become moist and in his stomach that feeling of numbness and turmoil typical of when he had to do with her, while his heart was racing madly. It was as if someone had pressed all the alarm buttons in his body: he was completely panicked.

_God... What do I do? She's watching me. Or did she just realize I was staring at her? Damn... Should I say hello? No. Or maybe yes. Heck Gilbert, do something. Anything but stop staring at her like an idiot. Please!_

He then decided to offer her a small, nice smile, hoping that his friends would not notice him: at that brief interaction Anne's cheeks quickly matched her hair and, without reciprocating the boy's greeting, she apologized to her friends and ran away on the opposite side of the corridor.

Gilbert sighed and let his shoulders drop disconsolately, his sad and embittered gaze wandering in the void: he had made her flee. _Again_.

«Gil? Are you there??»

«Uh, sorry Moody, I-I... can you repeat, please?»

In response, his friend looked at him both confused and amused, an eyebrow raised as if to ask him a thousand questions and none. Then, he shook his head, trying to suppress a fat laugh.

«What's wrong, Moods?» Jerry asked curiously.

«Nothing» he replied with a shrug, before glancing at Gilbert who, again within minutes apparently, had been discovered.

«And tell me Jerry, will your sister be there too on Thursday?» at Paul's words, Jerry and Gilbert's eyes seemed to pop out of their sockets, albeit for two very different reasons.

«And why do you care?»

«Curiosity» he replied, raising his hands in defense.

«Well, yes: she'll be. But if you just think about hitting on her, bud… forget it» he warned him.

The dark-haired man began to rub his neck, trying to go as unnoticed as possible and hoping the conversation to end soon.

«Come on Jerry, sooner or later she'll have a boyfriend or something, too».

«Of course, Moody, and I'm certainly not going to stop it. But not with my friends. Plus she's still too young for a boyfriend… did you understand Paul?» In response, this rolled his eyes.

«I'm sorry, man» he heard Moody whisper in his ear before he gave him a vigorous pat on the shoulder. _Well, fuck._

Thursday came in a jiffy, probably because he had spent the rest of the week training for the important hockey match that was to take place next week: the whole school was eagerly awaiting that moment, as Charlottetown Highschool, bigger and more prestigious, had always been seen as "the enemy" by the students of Avonlea High.

«Gilbert, could you please bring some lemonade into the living room? It's in the fridge».

Mary hadn't stopped for a second that afternoon, making sure that everything was perfect and that her guests felt pampered by her cares.

«Sure».

«And please, if you see Sebastian tell him I'm looking for him» she added.

«As you wish, miss», he joked, making a half curtsy.

He and Mary connected in a second, as if they had known each other forever. To be honest, he had every reason to feel this way in front of her, being a feminine and less childish version of her brother Bash: same positive and playful character, same desire for adventure and same immense love for each other. Gilbert loved the atmosphere in the house since she arrived.

He was holding a jug full of fresh lemonade, one of Mary's endless specialties, and had just opened the door that led to the living room when someone bumped into him.

«Sorry» they both said.

Then, he realized it was Anne: they looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds, both blushing almost imperceptibly. Gilbert wanted to say something. _He really wanted_ : yet, the words seemed to get stuck in his throat.

«Excuse me...» the girl whispered, before walking away. _Idiot_.

«Gilbert, the lemonade!» Mary took him back, awakening him from that brief moment of self-pity.

«Uh… uhm, yeah. Yes, sure», he said quickly.

«Did you ask her out?» Bash suddenly exclaimed from behind him, making him jump.

« _Sssh!!_ » the boy scolded him.

«So??»

«I-I... no, I haven't. Not yet».

«Well, what are you waiting for?!» he spurred him on. «You are at a nice party, dressed nicely and you can approach her with the excuse of offering her some lemonade» he explained.

«For God's sake, Bash! Lower your voice, please!» the boy whispered looking around, hoping that no one had heard them speak. «And... it's not that simple...»

«It is, but you are scared».

«I'm not scared! It's just… I… it's... she… I'll ask her out later, okay? Just give me... give me some more time». At those words Bash smiled pleased and, after a fraternal pat on the back, walked away, leaving the boy standing in the middle of the living room, alone and doubtful.

He had wanted to talk to her about what happened at the prom for weeks and knew that it was the ideal evening to address the speech. As for the date, Gilbert thought, he didn't know if he would have had the guts to ask her.

In the meanwhile he caught up with his friends and hoped that their talks about the upcoming match, Billy Andrews' new car and the latest movies out in theaters would be enough, knowing that the redhead was in the same house, to stop making him dizzy, to keep him from following her every step with his eyes and for the sense of nausea at the memory of Bash's words to disappear.

Unfortunately, it worked for a very short time: after just over half an hour he found himself adopting all kinds of excuses to talk to distant relatives, neighbors or friends only to be able to get closer to Anne and finally grope the approach.

When he noticed that Anne and Marilla had stopped talking not so far from Mr. and Mrs. Lynde he decided that starting a conversation with them was the right price to get close enough to the redhead as to hear what she was talking about and, eventually, intercept her to have a chat.

«Mr. Lynde! Mrs. Lynde…» he greeted, noticing how Mr. Lynde's mouth was full of Mary's pretzels. Or cake. _Or both_.

It was enough to mention the Dawsons and their failed business for Rachel Lynde to venture into a detailed monologue about it: it was a relief for Gilbert to know that nothing he would say or do would distract her from her gossips, so he allowed himself to eavesdrop the conversation between the Cuthberts women without worrying too much about being discreet.

«No, Anne!»

«Please Marilla! I'll pay for the ticket, I'd just-»

«Don't insist: you won't go to Tyler's concert».

Even from behind them, Gilbert could almost see Anne rolling her eyes at her mother's words.

« _It's Taylor_. Taylor Swift!»

«Whatever, Anne».

«But Marilla! You don't understand: she's my idol. Please! She has never played a concert so close to Avonlea: only an hour by car and-»

«I will not let you go alone to a concert with thousands of people! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is?»

«But I wouldn't be alone! There will also be Kate, Jannifer, Lucy, Mad-»

«They are not adults and those girls are far from responsible: do not insist».

«But _I'm_ responsible, Marilla. I can take care of myself!» He heard the woman sigh in irritation: not a good sign. «Tickets are out in two days, please! You just have to lend me fifty dollars and I'll pay you back as soon as-»

«Anne I said no and I don't compromise! Stop it now».

After that, he heard Mrs. Cuthbert walk away and as much as he was tempted to turn around and try to console Anne, he didn't: he knew her well enough to know it wasn't safe for him to approach her when she already was upset.

He had waited for months, he could wait a few more hours to talk to her after all. Or day. Or week.

 _Coward_.

Gilbert wasn't sure that deciding to speak to her that night, after witnessing the discussion with Marilla, would have been a smart move. He was therefore convinced that it was a sign that suggested that he should have postponed his enterprise. At least, that's what he told himself not to admit that he didn't have the guts.

He had to change his mind when Anne, with an empty bowl in her hands, appeared into the kitchen while he was helping Mary washing some dishes.

«Hey Mary, sandwiches are over and Mr. Lynde would like more... I'll take care of it if you want, it's not a problem».

Gilbert was awkwardly trying not to stare at her, focusing on a rather stubborn tomato stain on the plate in his hands.

«That's very nice of you, Anne» she said, giving Gilbert a light blow with his pelvis.

He looked at her in confusion: Mary could not know about her crush. _Unless Bash..._ But he promised him he wouldn't tell anyone, right?

«You find the bread on that shelf and all the ingredients both in the fridge or the drawer in front of you» she explained.

Anne nodded and immediately concentrated on her task, giving Mary the opportunity to throw a more than explicit look at the boy.

Gilbert widened his eyes in response, slightly shaking his head, not sure if with that gesture he wanted to communicate his sense of panic or convince her that he did not know what she was referring to with her insinuations.

«This is a great opportunity: don't waste it» she whispered, making the boy flush even more. «If you need anything just ask Gilbert, Anne! I'm going to rest in the living room for a few minutes» she announced, this time in a shrill voice, before leaving them alone.

The firsts few minutes they kept silent: Anne was busy filling the sandwiches while Gilbert on washing the dishes and occasionally casting a few furtive glances at the redhead, hoping to work up the courage to approach.

Was it possible that Bash had told Mary about his crush? Hoping he had limited himself to telling her about the crush and not the unpleasant situation in which he had found him... Or had she simply understood it?

His mind stopped traveling like a train when he had cleaned and arranged all the dishes to perfection: _it's now or never. Either you talk to her or you leave, wasting an opportunity._

He had hoped so much to be in such a situation in the past few days that he was convinced he couldn't just give it up right now.

«Uh, uhm» he cleared his throat, approaching slowly, not sure what he would be able to say.

On the other hand, the fact that Anne seemed to ignore him completely didn't make things easier.

«Hi» came out as a high, strangled sound. _Idiot_.

«Hello».

«How... how are you?»

«I'm good».

She did not say it in a pungent or annoyed tone, but rather weak and calm. It was evident, however, that she was not fully comfortable talking to him. And it was all his fault: he knew that awfully well.

 _That's why_ he had to talk to her and fix things. _That's why_ he was standing in front of her making a fool of himself for the umpteenth time.

He decided, however, not to be too direct with her, fearing it would have made her even more uncomfortable: it was better to test the water when it came to Anne Shirley-Cuthbert.

«So... do you like food?» at those words, the girl finally turned to observe him. She was confused. «Oh, uh... no... I didn't mean... o-of course you like food, I... I-I mean, you're alive, aren't you?» a forced, nervous chuckle escaped his lips as he realized he was talking nonsense. «The sandwiches. I just meant…» He took a deep breath, trying to calm down just enough to stop sweating cold. «The sandwiches. D-do you like them?»

«I do».

«Cool! Sounds cool. Very… cool. Yeah». _Heck Gilbert!_

«You like them?» she asked, still avoiding his gaze.

«Me? Sure! Yup! Yes, I do. I like them. A lot, actually. Y-yeah. Big fan of sandwiches». _Oh God..._

Anne did not answer and Gilbert began to nervously rub the back of his neck.

«Do you know where to find great sandwiches? At Honeyheat! That's... that's, uh... where I work».

Anne nodded, continuing to avoid his gaze as she finished filling the tray carefully.

«We have many other things besides sandwiches, anyways. And they are all good, I assure you!»

«I have no doubts» she replied with a smile, looking him in the eyes for a split second.

«You should come sometimes. If you want to». _Am I inviting her out?_ «We could eat something together after I finish my shift and have a chat? Try and see if those are quality sandwitches?» _I am inviting her out. Jesus._

«Uh… maybe…»

«Great!» he exclaimed quickly: it had gone much better than he had hoped for. Even if it was still a "no". A polite one, but a "no".

«Yeah».

«You know... a couple of weeks ago Jerry and your parents came by while I was working and, uh ... they enjoyed it». This time it was Gilbert who avoided the girl's gaze. «And that afternoon I-I didn't see you coming with them so I thought, that uh... you would catch up with them later b-but time was passing and you weren't coming so I, uh... I asked Marilla if you would come but she... you know... she told me you had to... study?» he finished the sentence hesitantly.

Anne visibly blushed: «Oh! Sure! I had… I was studying for this important test and... yeah».

«Oh, good! Well, not "good" that you had to study for that test but "good" 'cause... I-I...» Gilbert fell silent for a few seconds, evaluating his next words. «I-I thought that… well, that was an excuse. Not to see me».

They both said nothing, their tongues blocked by a childish shame and their minds fuming because of too many thoughts they were trying to process.

«I've wanted to talk to you about that night for a long time, Anne».

«I have to take the tray to the living room» she said, trying to avoid him and that conversation again.

Gilbert stepped in front of her, preventing her from leaving: «I know I embarrassed you that night and I shouldn't have had. It was not my intention-»

«Gilbert...» she interrupted him.

«P-please, Anne. I can't stop thinking about it, I need-»

The door swung open suddenly, revealing Moody and Jerry. _Damn_.

Gilbert immediately turned away from Anne, hoping his best friend wouldn't misunderstand. Or, well... _understand_.

«I have to take the tray over there» Anne mumbled, running away from the kitchen.

She fled. _Again_.

«Want to explain me, Gilbert?» inquired the friend, his voice tense.

«What?» he pretended not to understand. He just didn't have the strenght to face Jerry in that moment.

«I asked him to check if there was any chocolate cake left» Moody lied, seeing him in trouble.

«Oh, yeah. I was about to come and tell you it's over. Anne was looking for it too, that's why you found us… together».

«Sure» Jerry whispered through gritted teeth, avoiding looking at Gilbert. «It's a pity the cake's over. I wouldn't have minded another slice» he complained then, clearly forcing a smile. Gilbert and Moody exchanged a worried look.

«Yeah, it's a pity! But not as much as we losing against Charlottetown's team because we didn't work hard enough on defense» said Moody.

«Jesus, Moods!» growled Jerry, who seemed to give up his insinuations and doubts, even though Gilbert knew that the issue was far from closed and that he had to be more descreet from now on. «You just ruined my mood. Thank you very much!» he huffed, starting to list all the reasons why Avonlea was better than Charlottetown, the tention between the two friends dismissed for the moment.

Moody winked at him and Gilbert smiled gratefully.

« _Avonlea! Avonlea! Avonlea!»_ The choir of students from Avonlea High roars deafening, grouped within the walls of Thomas Morris' home, the hockey team's titular defender.

It certainly hasn't been an easy match to win, that one: in the stands breaths were held until the very last and on the field, the players did not stop for a moment.

That's why the victory was even sweeter.

«We've been great!» Kyle cheered.

«Hell Paul, I don't really know how you managed to parry the last two shots» Gilbert said smiling.

«I had no doubts that we would beat them».

«They can kiss our ass! Ah!»

The friends burst out laughing, cheerfully toasting. That evening, they were the heroes and an aura of legendary greatness created around them.

For once, they allowed themselves more beer than usual, and soon many of them disappeared around the house: someone had succumbed to the advances of some "fan", someone else had to refill their glass and some other simply relived the most important game actions with friends.

Gilbert had just greeted some friends from the math class when, looking around, he smiled satisfied and proud of himself.

And then, there she is: Anne, ready to upset him just by existing.

The boy took a deep breath, and let his shoulders fall back as a knot formed in the throat: he had no chance. She had made it clear several times and to keep hoping, trying, believing… it was just stupid, he thought.

But how could it be otherwise? He watched her walk away from her group of friends, suddenly captivated by the bookcase behind her. He saw her graze the spines of the books with her fingertips, read the titles and from time to time take out one to study it with her eyes full of enthusiasm.

Because Anne was this: enthusiastic. Enthusiastic about the world, about life, about the little things. But beyond that, there was also more and Gilbert wanted to find that out. He had to deal with reality anyways: he had to move on.

«It's not a party if Gilbert Blythe isn't staring at Anne Shirley from the corner of the room, mh?»

Gilbert seemed not to even notice Moody and Paul, who burst out laughing.

«I love her» he said, without warning.

«Uh?»

«I love her» he repeated with a solemn tone, without taking his eyes off the redhead. «Anne: I love her».

The three boys did not utter a word for a few seconds, each processing in their own way those words so full of meaning. Then, Gilbert turned and looked at them with seriousness in his eyes: «I love her in such an incredible way that I can't even explain it to myself. I just feel that I would like to scream it but the only thing I can do is scream it backwards, inside me. It's as if what I feel about her is eating my guts, is wearing me out».

«Alright Shakespeare, how about we sit down for a moment and have a chat?» suggested Moody, who had never seen his friend in such a state.

«I can't say I didn't know» Paul admitted.

«Well, I had noticed something too, but… _love_? I didn't think up to that point. You know, she's in my history class, I could put in some good words for you, man».

«Wait for Jerry to find out…» Paul joked.

«No!» Gilbert intervened. «He doesn't have to know. I beg you».

The two nodded, agreeing that he wouldn't have taken it too well. Not for the moment, at least.

«So… does she know? That you love her, I mean».

«No! I mean… maybe. I-I don't know. I don't think so. I hope not…» he stammered.

«Explain yourself better».

Gilbert took a deep breath, digging into his mind to find the words and in his heart the courage to deal with certain memories: «I messed things up with her at the dance and now she can barely look at me... she never really liked me, even before. I just have to get over it and accept that between us… that nothing can happen».

«Bullshit» the two began in chorus.

«You can't give up without even try!»

«But I tried! It's just-»

«Covertly drooling at her and praying for her to speak to you _is not trying_ , Gil», Paul objected. «Have you already asked her out?»

Gilbert blushed: «Last week, at mine during the party... I asked her to join me at work so we could eat something together and-»

«Oh, Gilbert!»

«No, no! Of course she refused, you idiot!!»

The two continued to tease him for a good few seconds, without giving him a chance to explain himself.

«What's wrong with that?! I know the place where I work, so I can advise her on what to order and what to avoid» he tried to defend himself. «What's more, she would have seen that I'm a serious guy, a busy one... that I have some authority in there».

«Oh sure, because seeing that you are the God of milkshakes will make her fall at your feet...» they countered.

«What do you advise me to do, then?»

«The first date must be something special, something that will leave an indelible memory».

«F-for example?»

«I don't know, it depends on her likings».

Gilbert thought for a moment: there were so many things that Anne would have loved to do... «It's all useless anyways! She would never agree to date me».

«Don't say that, man: she loves you too» Moody argued confidently.

Gilbert rolled his eyes: «How can you tell?!»

«That's obvious: my sixth sense told me, and that is never wrong».

«The same sixth sense that told you that cutting your hair blindfolded was a good idea?» he countered.

Moody looked mortified: «Yeah, but... but this time is different!»

«Don't listen to Moody, he's an idiot» Paul interjected.

«Hey! I'm here and I can hear you! _Idiot_ …»

«Anyway» Paul continued, ignoring Moody's complaints: «I have everything under control, just do what I tell you, okay?»

Paul then whispered something in Moody's ear, who was pleasantly surprised and enthusiastic.

«C-can I know what you're talking about?»

«Thomas owes me one, so we'll use his bottle».

«His… bottle? I don't understand».

«Just trust us, Gil» Moody assured him.

« _Never gonna happen_ ».

«How the hell did you convince me?» Gilbert growled through gritted teeth.

«Trust us! We've done it a million times to make out with some pretty girls: Thomas's bottle has a metal cap and Paul is holding a magnet that he'll use so that when you're turning the bottle, it will stop on Anne. It's an old trick, they've been selling it for years in the toy store downtown: you have nothing to worry!»

«Hell, no! You two are crazy!» he snapped, now sitting in the circle that his two friends had managed to fill with people. «Besides, it's like lying to her and you know I'm uncomfortable with bullshit a-and then… _seven minutes in heaven_? Really?!»

«Calm down, bud!» Moody reassured him for the millionth time. «Looks like locking yourself in a room is the only way to make you two talk without any of you being able to run away, right? You don't have to do anything _dirty_ with her in there» he explained, causing him to blush considerably and shut up once and for all.

He looked at Paul, who winked at him, then glanced at Anne and felt the urge to vomit for how agitated he felt.

«So? Shall we begin or not?» Billy Andrews asked, rather annoyed.

The game began and Gilbert felt agitation increase every time a couple came out of the closet with their lips swollen from kisses, their hair disheveled and their clothes in disorder.

He quickly glanced at the redhead and wondered if _perhaps_ there was a possibility that they too would have come out of that closet in the same conditions. _Stop it, Gilbert._

«Gil».

«Mh?»

«Gil!» Moody scolded him, whispering, «It's your turn! C'mon».

«Oh! Yeah, yeah...»

It seemed like a scene that had already been lived: him turning the bottle, the same sense of panic, Tracy Vanderberg staring at him... But this time Moody and Paul had promised him Anne, right?

_I shouldn't have been convinced. It will be a disaster._

But it was too late to back down now. He just had to wait for the bottle to stop spinning and hope for the best.

«Oh my...» was all that was heard in the room.

«Ah, poor Blythe!» someone said, without Gilbert paying too much attention: he was too shocked to be able to perceive what was happening around him, so he jumped to his feet, concentrating on the folds of his pants while hoping that, this way, his palms would stop sweating.

«Anne - _the nun_ \- Sirley! Yours will be seven minutes in hell, mate».

«I'm not a nun, Billy!» the redhead objected.

«Call yourself as you please, but we all know that your turn in this game is a waisted turn, Fido» this time Gilbert did not hold back from glaring at him.

«You, Billy Andrews, are a despicable being!» the redhead thundered as her friends suggested her to let go of Billy's provocations. «I'm not a nun!»

Quickly she got to her feet and with the same ardor she grabbed Gilbert by the hand, leading him ferociously into the closet.

Someone then closed the door and then they stood in the dark, pressed to each other in less than one square meter.

«Ugh, Billy Andrews!» she thundered. «How dares he... _nun_... ah, but I'll show you... and this stupid game...» she mumbled angrily, while Gilbert waited in terror to find the courage to say something. «And Kate! I shouldn't have… but how… urgh! They will hate me! Stupid, stupid!»

«We don't have to do anything you don't want to» Gilbert finally said, in one breath, recovering from what seemed to have been a temporary apnea.

«Do you think that I am a nun too?»

«Wh-what?» oh, he felt he was going to throw up. «No! No, absolutely no! I... not at all!»

 _«Absolutely_?! Do you think I'm easy, then?!»

«N-no, A-Anne I... I didn't mean that!» he tried to justify himself. «I-I just don't want you to be uncomfortable and… Billy Andrews is a jerk, you shouldn't listen to him. I-in fact, I could talk to him after... we... s-seven minutes...»

He was trembling, his head was spinning and his body seemed to react in an inappropriate way.

«No, thanks. I'll solve it myself» she whispered, her voice calmer.

«I just meant t-to say… uh… I'll do whatever you want and absolutely nothing you don't want to do, Anne. I-I promise you».

From the dim light that filtered from under the door, Gilbert saw her nod. «Thanks, Gilbert».

«You don't have to thank me, there's nothing to thank for it's just... that's fair».

«No wonder you're seen as the school's knight, a prince charming. You know what? I might even agree». He felt his stomach do a dozen somersaults and thanked God for the little light in the room. «But don't get used to my compliments, Blythe» she finished, laughing softly.

His heart was beating madly, overflowing with love and he no longer knew how to contain it: «I'm infinitely sorry, Anne» he said suddenly, before more sincere and compromising words came out of his mouth. «Back to prom... I acted like an idiot to insist and I understand-»

«Gilbert... I don't want to talk about it» she interrupted.

«I know, and I promised you that I wouldn't do anything you didn't want me to but this... _Anne this weight is destroying me_ , knowing that I have upset you so much as to make you run away just by seeing me... I-I... I was selfish and and I'm sorry».

«It wasn't just your fault, honestly... you were right that night: I was about to kiss you too».

« _R-Really_?» Gilbert nearly chocked.

«But it was better that way, wasn't it? We didn't do anything we would regret later». _Ouch_.

«O-ohw, well…» _not really_.

«My friends are of the same opinion… you know… uhm… yeah. But I shouldn't have avoided you like that, I'm so sorry. I felt just… I was stupid. Sorry». He had to bite his tongue in order not to ruin everything again, confessing that since he had known her, there hadn't been a morning when he hadn't woken up with the desire to be able to kiss and love her, if only she had allowed him. «Anyway, speaking of friends... this story of the two of us here, in this closet... we'll tell them the truth -that we haven't done anything- but I was wondering if, _maybe_ , we could get guys like Billy Andrews to guess».

His throat suddenly went dry: «Uh... s-sure. Wh-what did you have in mind?» he said in a strangled voice, as his mind wandered into unsuitable paths and his body reacted accordingly.

At those words Anne ran her hands through her hair, ruffling it slightly and although the little space did not really allow it, she took a step towards the boy.

They looked into each other's eyes, illuminated by a glimmer of light: those were the eyes of two who still had so much to say to each other. _They had everything to say to each other._

She raised her hands, and ran them slowly over the boy's hair.

«You're holding your breath, Gilbert» she whispered. He hadn't even noticed it until she mentioned it. «There: now people will wonder if we made out or if we walked in here in the same conditions».

Gilbert could do nothing but adore her in silence and trying as much as possible to imprint that perfect moment in his mind. The tips of their noses almost touched and the air was so charged with electricity that he almost felt the shock of a lightning cross his spine.

«Time's up» someone said, opening the door.

Anne was immediately overwhelmed by her friends, who dragged her away by pulling her arms, while Gilbert remained motionless, in a state of shock.

 _Jesus Christ. If I don't ask her out, I'm an idiot_.

Enlightenment came just two days later, sudden and obvious at the same time: Taylor Swift. Wasting no time, he sat down at his computer, ready to dig into every corner of the internet if necessary.

_Sold out._

_Sold out._

_Sold out._

He had seen those two words so many times in those few hours of research that he almost lost hope. He had checked on official websites, retailers, Facebook groups, fan pages… all strictly _sold out_. Until he came across an announcement on Twitter: “ **Unfortunately I am forced to sell two tickets for the Taylor Swift concert, contact me for information** ”.

Gilbert did not think about it a second longer and in less than an hour he managed to grab the two tickets, albeit spending five hundred dollars.

" **They are the only ones you can find in circulation so if you want them they cost this way, otherwise I will sell them to someone else** " wrote the dealer in a message, leaving the boy no choice but to spend a whole month's salary moved by the hope that Anne agreed to go out with him.

At this point he thought the worst was over, but he was very wrong: the worst part was knowing when it was the right time to invite her, if there was one.

Albeit things had gone well between them at the hockey team's victory party, Gilbert couldn't help but be held back by fear of rejection. Moreover, in those days Anne never seemed to be alone, always surrounded by her group of squawking friends.

Everyday he wandered the halls of the school with concert tickets in hand, hoping to finally be able to invite her, realizing that the days were passing at lightning speed.

«You can't put it off anymore, Gilbert!» Moody convinced him that morning. «The concert is in less than a month now! If she's with her friends, you have to tell her you want to talk to her alone, that's it. Otherwise you'll ask her in front of them, it's no big deal... they would know after a few minutes anyways. _Girls_ …»

So that afternoon he was standing still in the school corridor, half hidden behind a row of lockers, tickets tightly in his hand: Anne wasn't alone, but that was fine, right? He just had to take a deep breath and… _go_.

«Hi, Anne» he announced, breaking up the heavy chatter. «Girls...» he added, feeling all eyes on him and the sense of panic beginning to grow. «May I speak with you, Anne?»

The redhead had just parted her lips as to reply, when she was interrupted: «You can talk here, can't you?» her friend chuckled.

«Uh… yeah. Right, Gilbert?» Her voice nervous.

«Sure» the boy agreed, albeit reluctantly. He knew he shouldn't, but he just couldn't stand Anne's friends. «I was wondering if… uhm… i-if you would like to come with me t-to Taylor Swift's concert?» That question was followed by a stunned silence. While no one dared to say a word, Gilbert showed the tickets in his hands: «I-I knew you like her and I have two tickets, so I was wondering… if… if you would like to come. W-with me».

«A date?! » thundered another of the redhead's friends, making him blush.

«Y-yes. Here, I... Yeah. A... date». He swallowed loudly after realizing what he had said. A frown formed on his face as he saw the whole group of girls quickly walking away from him, finally leaving him alone with Anne.

«Uh... did I say something wrong?»

The redhead looked at him without saying a word, her brow furrowed: it looked like the face she had when she had beaten him with her algebra book three years earlier.

«You're an idiot!» she thundered, pushing him against the lockers. «How did that come to your mind?! Asking me out!»

«I-I-I... w-well...»

«They will never want to talk to me again now!» she continued, pointing a finger at his chest. «I won't have friends anymore, they will hate me... they... ugh!»

Gilbert had considered that she might refuse, but certainly not be angry like that. He was mortified and heartbroken: «I'm sorry Anne, but... I don't understand: what have I done? »

«Do you really... _oh, my God!_ » she cried angrily. «They have dibs, Gilbert» she snapped.

«Wh-what?»

«You know that very well, they have never been discreet about it. Nor have I refrained from giving you clear clues».

«But… I want to go out with you. Only with you, Anne. I never noticed them because for me it was always you and only you» he said, his eyes moistening.

Even the girl seemed unable to contain her emotions: «No, Gilbert. I cannot accept. Sorry». Her voice was broken. «I have to go now», she concluded, before running away.

He had hoped, perhaps even believed, in a yes. This is why the boy's heart hurted so much that he did not feel his body react until the tears on his cheeks had dried, almost an hour later.

The following days he had justified his bad mood with the exhaustion and anxiety of an impending test, while in reality he was fighting himself in a war between mind and heart: it was time to overcome his love for Anne. He had at least to do it in respect of the redhead.

It was difficult, however. Even though he knew it was the right thing to do, it was difficult.

Anne was no longer seen around so often, much less with her group of friends: he felt terribly guilty for having made her estranged with the only people with whom she had managed to establish a relationship with, even if he had not done it intentionally.

In rare moments, Gilbert was ashamed to admit that he was actually happy that they didn't spend time together anymore, because those girls never really proved to be her friends. However, that was none of his business and his obliviousness had hurt one of his closest people.

«Hey man, how come that funeral face?» Billy Andrews asked him, intrigued.

«Nothing to worry about».

«If you want, I can help you have some fun, you know?» he said, approaching. «I know a couple of girls who would entertain you really gladly, if you know what I mean...»

«What?! No!» he snapped annoyed. He wasn't really in the mood to have a conversation with such a misogynist.

«Oh, come on there would be nothing wrong» he justified himself. «But I understand your hesitation. Your last close experience with a girl -if we can call her that- must have been with Shirley... I comprehend you're traumatized by that-»

Billy Andrews never finished that sentence, too busy screaming in pain as he covered with both hands where Gilbert's fist had hit him.

«What the heck is wrong with you, bud?!»

«I'm not your bud, Billy. And don't talk about Anne like that. Never again». He growled, trying to calm down a little, in vain. «I'm serious».

«What the fuck… all this for that rat? She must be some kind of whore of yours or something».

Without even realizing it he was on the ground, giving a second punch, then a third before starting to receive as many.

The pain of Billy Andrews' knuckles on his face was nothing compared to the sense of peace he felt after silencing that idiot. At that moment, at least. Later he would be ashamed of himself.

«That's enough!» someone shouted. «Stop it now!»

After several attempts, the voice of Mr. Phillips managed to attract the attention of the two boys, finally separating and beginning to hear all the injuries that in the heat of the moment had been ignored.

«Andrews! Blythe!» He took them back». «I can’t believe my eyes! Two of my best students acting like beasts. I should send you to the presidency immediately».

A curious audience had formed around them.

«May a warning be enough for you this time» he ruled. «And now, get out of the corridors, before I change my mind!»

Billy didn't have to repeat it twice and turned his heels snorting loudly.

«Gilbert, what the heck is wrong with you?!»ì

When he turned in the direction of the voice that had asked him the question, he found two big blue eyes staring at him in concern.

«N-nothing, just... he's an idiot!»

«So are you! You could have hurt yourself! For what? For someone like Billy? I thought you were smarter than that», she scolded him sternly.

«You... You're right...» he whispered, ashamed of himself.

«Come on, let's go to the infirmary» she encouraged him in a softer voice, taking his hand. The girl must have noticed the boy's surprised look at that gesture. «I just want to make sure you're still whole».

He nodded and followed her silently, his heart beating against his rib cage.

«A fight, huh?» the nurse also scolded him, examining his face. «That's not how things work out». She pressed on his right eyebrow, causing a grimace of pain on his face. «It's the third this month... and I bet a girl was concerned».

As if by instinct he glanced at the redhead, sitting in a plastic chair not far from the bed he was sitting on, blushing slightly as he looked down without saying a word: the nurse didn't need anything else to understand.

«Excuse me madam, one of the students felt ill in class... could you come and take a look as soon as your done here?» asked Professor Brown, peeking out the door.

The woman considered those words. «If it's quick, I can leave the two guys alone for a few minutes and come, otherwise you'll have to wait».

«Shouldn't be anything serious, but it would be better to take a look».

«Okay» she sighed. «I'll be back in a minute, okay? In the meantime: you, girl» she ordered «check if he has any cuts on the back of his neck and continue to dab the cuts with disinfectant. I'll take care of the rest when I get back».

The two nodded, and suddenly found themselves alone.

«I still think you were an idiot» she informed him in a calm voice as she approached to check what she was told. «What the heck were you thinking about?!»

«I probably didn't think at all. I'm sorry... ouch!» gasped.

«It's nothing, just a scratch behind the ear».

He watched her closely as she took care of that cut on his left cheekbone: her forehead was slightly frowned in concentration, her eyes alert and attentive, her lips pursed.

«Date me». Those words came out of his mouth by themselves, unwittingly.

Anne stopped, as if paralyzed. Then she put down the cotton and walked away thoughtfully.

«Please Anne, date me».

«I couldn't... _I can't_. You must have spent a lot of money».

«What if... if I didn't?» he lied. Anne looked hesitant, but not against it. «Yeah, you see... uh ... a-a friend of Mary's. Y-yeah, well, she had bought them b-but she can't go anymore and Mary is not up for the pregnancy and the rest, so they gave them to me and I-I thought of you. I knew, uh… y-you like Taylor». She seemed to believe it.

«Marilla wouldn't let me anyway» she said with a shrug.

«What if she did it instead?» Gilbert swallowed loudly. «I-I talked to her a couple of weeks ago and, well, I explained to her that we were going to be careful and responsible and that we wouldn't do anything stupid s-so she… she agreed».

Anne said nothing, for the umpteenth time.

«Please».

«I don't know...»

«I swear you'll have fun, I'll behave and do anything you want, just... please. I beg you».

«Okay». For a moment, the boy was out of breath: had Billy Andrews killed him and ended up in heaven? «But it won't be a date, just... an outing between a boy and a girl who share an experience together».

«S-sure» he accepted without even thinking about it. «That's great! Sure!»

«Good».

«I can't wait. It's in about two weeks, it'll be-»

«Here I am» announced the nurse, ending their conversation. «It was a fever, that's all. Those professors… they panick over nothing» she complained, focusing back on Gilbert who, this time, couldn't stop smiling.

The long-awaited evening had finally arrived: Gilbert made sure his hair was in place and his clothes in order before knocking at the Cuthberts' door.

When the girl opened it, he felt his legs give way for a moment and while inviting her to get into the car, he tried to mentally list all fifty American states to avoid the thought that -although Anne didn’t want to call it that way- it was in fact, a date, made him act like an idiot.

«I hope you haven't already had dinner, Gilbert: I made sandwiches for both of us!» she announced, getting into the car.

Anne was as enthusiastic and happy as she had ever been around him, her voice was ringing and the smile never disappeared from her face, making the presence of her two adorable dimples permanent.

«That's very nice of you, Anne, b-but you certainly shouldn't have bothered».

«I gladly did it» she reassured him. «You need your strength to enjoy the show. Oh, I hope you know all the lyrics!»

«Oh, uh… well let's just say I did my best. I don't listen to Taylor often» he confessed.

«Impossible» she joked. Gilbert sighed with relief: Anne seemed so comfortable and that made him relax, ereasing his fear of actuing dumbly.

Anne then decided to use the one hour drive to the concert to make sure that her travel companion knew at least the most famous songs, laughing every time he got a word wrong and teasing him with affection.

The boy's heart was so overflowing with joy that it risked coming out of its rib cage at any moment and in a heartbeat they arrived at the huge stadium, crowded with people singing and screaming with joy.

Gilbert couldn't help but think that the real show was watching Anne's eyes twinkle, her astonished sighs, the way she murmured the ‘ _Starlight_ ’ lyrics when she was lost in thought, her lip biting when she was focused or the way she called him to show him something in the crowd, in an impatient and joyful voice.

«Thanks, Gilbert. Really» she managed to say with tears in her eyes, seeing the singer finally get on stage.

And for the rest of the evening, those words continued to make his stomach do the somersaults.

Taylor Swift was really good, Gilbert had no problem admitting it, on the contrary: her lyrics seemed to speak directly to him.

 _Lover, The Story of Us, Daylight_ … it was as if she had stolen the words directly from his heart and was singing them to the redhead for him, knowing that the boy couldn't have found better words.

As quickly as the concert had begun, it ended. They walked slowly towards the car, side by side, reliving every single moment of that magical evening, without brakes and without fear.

Once on the road, they turned the radio on and allowed themselves a few minutes of silence.

«I can't believe we just heard Taylor Swift sing. Live!»

«Neither do I, honestly,» the boy confessed, releasing the pressure on the accelerator to avoid reaching Green Gables too quickly. «Especially when I think about how difficult it was to find those tickets».

Anne didn't answer right away, which made Gilbert realize what she had just said.

«You said that a friend of Mary's gave them to you ... you bought them, then?»

He began to sweat at those words and not because of the early summer weather: would she be angry with him for lying? Everything had gone too well so far...

«Uh, n-no, I mean… I-I-I… it's… it's just that you wouldn't have agreed to come i-if I… _okay I did_. I bought them. B-but I did it willingly, you don't have to feel indebted, s-seriously, I just wanted-»

«I'm not angry» she assured him, seeing him panicking. «Sometimes you seem terrified of me» she said suddently.

_Because I am, Anne. You can completely destroy me with a few simple words._

«Me? N-no, it's just... I-I... that’s... yeah. I-I am. _Sometimes_ ».

«Maybe I shouldn't have hit you in the face with my math book when we met» she laughed.

«Maybe» he agreed, laughing too. «I'm sorry for ruining your friendship with the girls».

Anne became serious: «You have nothing to apologize for, it wasn't your fault... I have always known that. They were never really my friends, they just wanted to have you and my brother around, that's all. I was only the mean that could bring them closer to you, to the hockey team...»

«I always thought they didn't deserve you: you’re worth much more».

«I know, it's just that... it was nice to finally have friends, you know?» Gilbert gasped: was he finally breaking the walls around her? «In the orphanage I had no friends, they were all pretty rude, angry… I don't blame them: everyone faces pain in their own way. Except… I dreamed that things could change once I had a family. Sorry, I didn't want to bore you».

«No! N-no, Anne, you don't bore me at all, on the contrary ... it's an honor for me, y-you know? The fact that you’re confiding in me».

Anne said nothing, and he didn't need to look at her to know she was just blushing.

«And I told you... you have a friend. _Me_. I-I know it's not much b-but-»

«Thanks, Gil». His heart skipped a beat hearing the use of the nickname. «We have arrived».

Unfortunately. Gilbert parked in front of the driveway, and prayed that somehow time would begin to run backwards.

«Well, I... I'm going, then» the redhead announced.

«W-wait, I'll take you. Up... up to the door».

Gilbert's heart was in his throat and he began to rub the back of his neck with his right hand as the words of Bash and his friends rang through his head: _“When you’re back at hers and you’re standing at the door, the goodnight must be followed by a kiss. Got it?"_

«I had a great time tonight, thank you».

«Uh, w-well. Me too! O-obviously m-me too».

«We won't tell Jerry, will we? He might feel excluded and hold a grudge...»

«Ohw, no! Sure. I-I won't say anything».

« _So_ …» Anne looked hesitant. Maybe she didn't want to end the evening either?

« _So_...» the boy swallowed loudly, trying to find the courage to get closer and kiss her.

«Well, goodnight, Gilbert».

«Goodnight,» he whispered, watching her put her hand on the door handle. «W-wait».

He felt his face burn and knew his expression must have been a mixture of terror and hope. «I-I only... I wa-wanted... uh... g-goodnight» the boy approached her, albeit awkwardly and with sudden courage closed his eyes and catapulted himself towards the redhead.

However, his lips met Anne’s slender finger.

«A kiss at the door looks a lot as if it was a date, _but this wasn’t_ , right?»

«R-right» he managed to whisper, embarrassed. _Why do you always have to make a fool of yourself, Gilbert?!_

He was about to begin to apologize in every way for his impudence when, suddenly, he felt her lips pressed against his right cheek.

«But if it were, it would have been the best first date a girl could ever dream of» she whispered in his ear. «Goodnight, Gilbert».

The dark-haired man stood still, shocked, trying to process what had just happened.

«Uh, g-good-goodnight,» he stammered when Anne had already disappeared into the house.

He got back in the car, still feeling Anne's lips on him, touching the burning point and smiling like a fool.

_Oh, that night the butterflies would keep him awake all night long and he was totally okay with it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you reached the end, I owe you one. Like for real guys!! THANK YOU for reading all my nosense daydreams about those two! Also I want to mention the "Storybook Secrets" gc for the support and Niamh for being my Taylor Swift supervisor haha
> 
> Please let me know what you think about this chapter! I really appreciate any kind of comment and/or suggestion so yeah, I think I wrote enough eh? Don't hate me, I love you xx


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